ately Ive been pissed off and watching old videos from my home town on the boardwalk where its a lot of fights…its where the videos BumFights originated so you can get an idea of the upbringing Ive had…My partner (Female) has been with me for 13 years she met me in the same town when I was kinda down and out living with some other knuckleheads…Sice my health has improved I get like a bull in a china shop at times…pissed off and sick of losing everything while she continues to advance in her job, enjoy her "summer Vacation" and spend my money on stupid crap for my son. She is Jewish and her parents believe in the whole schmoozing thing which I never did, I mad emoney by busting ass, installing crap in buildings and working in the dark in some rat trap hospital installing their electrical systems…now that Im somewhat healthy she says why do you saty with me…after Ive depleted everything for the sake of our son who is startingto get spoiled even though we dont really have squat…Its annoying as all hell and I feel like Im going down the toilet , Im on disability but I have to admit after 4 years its a joke, a trap and a scam for the uneducated or jacked up people…I admit its helped but its also put me in an environment of hustlers, stay at home moms living off afdc or whatever and I just think back to wghhen we had our own house 2 of them and it was calm and normal not this daily hustle for a smoke, a dollar for the bus or whatever some of these people hit me up for…I got no prob helping down and outers…hell Ive been there…lived on the beach…ate muscles off the rocks for food, been to the hare christa sp temple for food…had gfs just so I had a place to crash…the whole nine but at 48 I just want to chill or have someone take me out with a bullet to the head….just so long as I dont feel it I wouldnt care..I cant have a gun cause I know me being an ex marine would have no problem pulling the trigger at night and ending it all…I stick around for my sn but it doesnt seem to be enough money, then I walk outside and see some other clown that will come up spilling their problems on you…..I worked 30 years and now being in this hustle environment I feel like a dirtbag after all Ive been through…noone knows Im pos they just think Im a guy that is kinda opinionated and probly shouldnt fu(( with because Im still in pretty good shape and have and know I can still knock someone out…..but I jsut want to chill and its hard here especially with responsibilities…so outside of saying fu** it…I think Im going to see about hawkin my meds for some cash….jk but its crosed my mind…