Ok, some of the comments on my blogs have prompted me to explain a little bit about what I am truly going through.
I wanted to apologize and thank Allen for calling to my attention that although I have tried very hard these last few years to get the "cop" mentality out of my system, it still shows. I suppose being a cop for over 20 years, it isn't so easy. In reality, I am a really nice guy. I don't suppose people understand what it means to be a police officer since most have no interaction with police unless they are getting a ticket. What people don't understand that while out troops are overseas dying while fighting for out freedom, out police force is a domestic military force that fights a war on American soil to protect the lives and property of American citizens. We fall, like soldiers, in the line of duty. Also we are hated by everyone and very seldom do we hear any appreciation for what we do.
As far as quitting my drugs. I have to admit that was a bunch of crap. As most of you said, I love my sons too much to give up no matter how bad I just want to lay down and give up. I can be weak. I am human. I am steadfast. I feel fear, but I have never let fear stop me from doing what needed to be done.
The best thing that has happened to me in many years is meeting Hopeful on another stupid website for people with Herps. He told me about you guys. I found with this website what I had searched all over the internet for. People like me, who understand me, and are willing to be my support system since I have none here.
Lastly, I want to say. I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU GUYS!!!
Aaron
I am glad you took my comment the way it was meant,as kind of a wake up.we all tend to focus on whats wrong in our lives,and forget about all we should be thankful for.you really are blessed with this "extra" time,and although its not as comfortable as you would like,you are strong,and God will not throw anything at us that he doesnt think we can handle.maybe he sensed your hostility and decided to test your faith.be strong brother,and fight for every breath,and cherish every moment you have with your family.and even though its hard sometimes,never lose your faith.take care. Allen
We all get to that point where you want to give up but again there are soooo many who have died from other diseases and still we are alive and kicking. The tribe is like home where we all care for each other. B strong and trust in God plus you have your boys to live for…..