Hello all. I will start out with my normal disclaimer about grabbing a snack and a drink. I have an issue.

There is a woman. For the sake of this blog, I will call her Lea. Mainly because that is her name and secondly, there is no chance she cares enough to read this. 🙂

Lea and I have a history that goes all the way back to my 4th grade when I saw her and her long pretty braids and freckles. I fell in love instantly. Well, every morning I would get off the bus at my school which was the same bus she would get on to go to her school. She was a couple of years older. Well, you know how little boys show they like a girl by pulling her hair or pushing her down in the mud. Well, at my school district we could not touch anyone in the bus lines so we would cuss at each other every morning. I liked her, but though she hated me. We went for years thinking this. 🙂

She graduated from high school and went on with her life. I graduted from high school and went off to college to become one of the best baseball players in the Big 12. hee hee In my third year of college I drove to Dallas to visit a friend. He wanted to go out to a club called Grahams Central Station. Even though there were countless bars and clubs nearby, we took the hour drive to Arlington. While dancing with this girl, this very pretty girl and was more than a little intoxicated when a very hot woman steps between me and the girl I was dancing with. She had hair down to her ass and was so pretty. I do not know if it was because I was dancing with someone or I was drunk. This girl looks me up and down and says "well, little Aaron Lytle has grown up!!" My cocky ass could only reply " yes, I did" and went on. 2 months later on Thanksgiving day, I used my friend to escape my family and we went back to that same bar. She was there again. That is when I realized who she was. 🙂 We danced all night, ate at Denny's till sun up, pass out at her place, and started dating. We moved in together for a couple of years, but I was 19 yrs old and school was starting to get hard. I ended up ending that relationship and spent the next few years with a death wish. How I survived those years, I do not know. I went on with my life, my career, my life. Got married and had kids. I found out my HIV and MS status and my marraige ended. Here out of the blue, she shows up again after 22 years. 🙂 She is the only one besides my family who knows my status because when I saw her the years didn't matter. The love flaired and I knew I needed to tell her everything so she could run at the outgo and make my heartbreak slightly easier. We have been seeing each other for 2 years. I don't say date because she doesn't take me anywhere around her friends or her family. Her mother is the only one who knows anything about me. Not her father, not her siblings, not her friends. She will not allow me to post anything on facedbook about her and I and won't allow me to post my status as in a relationship. Stupid. I know I am fucked up and diseased, but I do deserve some self respect. Don't I???

  1. chiarasun 10 years ago

    wow, 1st i didnt know your wife left cuz of the ms & hiv.. that sux 🙁  2nd, wow again, stories like that, when people continue showing up thru our lives do seem meant 2 be in a way.. i think its just in which way is where we get confused… i believe no doubt there is real love there from both of you.. did she show up again cuz your supposed 2b in a relationship? or cuz you needed some1 special that you trusted 2 share yourself and status with other than your family?

    i have some1 like that in my life, its been over 20 yrs and i swear he always seems 2 show up when im hurting or my spirit is broken.. and there is amazing chemistry, love and loyalty between us, and every1 who sees us 2gether assumes were a couple, even tho it never got that far, i think cuz i was 2 scared i would make him sick and he was afraid 2 watch me die..

    anyways i dont discount any form that love comes in.. best advice is 2 have an honest conversation with her and ask her the questions you ask here.. i think whats most important is understanding why she feels the way she does about these things.. and yes, you deserve self respect,  f*cked up n diseased or not :p  so let her know your feeling this way and ask her why about those things your upset about.. she may not realize how bad she's hurting you, or it may be the opening she needs 2 be honest about her feelings and some things that have been hard 4 her 2 deal with and talk about.. but whatever happens, like immunity said hold on2 those golden moments, that magic will forever be in your heart 🙂

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  2. MarcAnthony 10 years ago

    Everyone deserves self respect and also respect from a potentional partner. If you feel you are not getting the respect you deserve and have to question it….then deep down inside, you already know the answer.

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