The new semester looms above me- eminent.  I’ve been trying to enjoy all the last bits of my winter break that I can.  4 new classes, my final full semester at community, end of the road and beginning of a new set of classmates, many kind acquaintances and a few destined friends, as well as the optimistic return of new ones. 

                Over the past week, I’ve been feeling really restless. Being the only one left in my house who isn’t at work constantly or back at school I’ve found myself with a lot of time and desire. I have so much desire to do new things, be they creative pursuits or more physical feats of cleanliness, but rarely seem to find the energy to get up and do them.  I’m sleeping more and not very hungry, eating only because I should.  Am I falling back into a depression?  I hope not, I want the kick in the ass I have to give myself to get back to it all.  I started this a few days ago thankfully, after covering a shift at work for a friend, I convinced myself to go to the curious salon I pass every time I go to work but never enter, to get my hair done.  It doesn’t sound like a big deal, but for some reason it makes me really anxious to deal with the public and things like this alone.  Well, I did it and really threw caution to the wind- went in midlegnth shapeless long blonde hair, came out short pixie style dark brown and purple.  The fumes from the dye sort of made my ocd act up but I sat through it and made friends with the other ladies who’d come to get their hair done too.  It was a nice experience and I think now my outside finally matches how I feel on the inside- daring, dark, unconventional and well kinda pretty ^_^

                One thing about the semester that should be a challenge is world religions.  I really like the idea of learning about different religions and the traditions they have, but I really hope they speak of mine in a respectful and accurate manner.  If they bash mine I don’t know what I’d end up doing, my anxiety would shoot up and I fear I could explode from years of biting my tongue when such things have occurred.  The other eminent threat of this course is Jim, an ex of mine.  I really cared deeply for him and he left me cold broken and utterly stunned right before Christmas over a year ago.  I look back now and see we weren’t meant to be and it’s all for the best, but I don’t think that’s what bothered me.  It’s what he represents- I was at the peak of my confidence when I told him how I felt, I was so sure he’d feel the same, everyone built me up so high and I believed it.  He said we’d be friends and still be cool, I quickly learned he’d really screwed me with that old line and I fell for it.  It’s not him that hurts so much as all the time and dedication I’d wasted on him.  I thank God everyday that I have Zach, who treats me sooo very well and really adores me, so seeing Jim around, although it’s still scathing, is bearable.