Here’s my story:
So I have been dating my boyfriend for about 3 1/2 years now. We have had a wonderful relationship for the most part but have had some ups and downs (like any other relationship) We had taken some time apart from eachother for the better to work things out and have recently gotten back together. I am head over heels for him and the love we share, and I have been ever since we met. When we had gotten back together I was sure that this is what I wanted, 110%. Soon after getting back together I started having thoughts such as “what if I don’t love him” “If I don’t find him attractive all the time does that make me a bad person?” “I just thought someone was good looking, I can’t be in a relationship now”, etc. I soon started to see a psychologist who assured me I had OCD anxiety & depression. We had talked about ways to try and relieve the tension in my brain and stop/limit my intrusive thoughts. It was a long three months but my boyfriend stood by my side and they eventually started to fade away the more I took control over them. I was okay for a month or so until one day my boyfriend and I were being intimate and another guys name popped into my head. I immediately felt guilty and uncomfortable and wanted to stop because I felt like a terrible person. Ever since that day I have had intrusive thoughts about him. I know in my head and in my heart I have no feelings for him what so ever and we are acquaintances if that, and I am so in love with my boyfriend and dont want anyone else. I cant seem to get the thoughts out of my head some days and they pop up at random times such as “what if i love him and hate my boyfriend” or “why am I thinking of him right now? I must want him not my boyfriend” etc. They are very distressing and are getting worse. I try to ignore them and some days it works and wont come back for a week or so but I constantly feel guilty because I love my boyfriend so much and dont understand why they wont just stop. They have gotten so bad at one point where I have anxious dreams where I admit my feelings for the other guy and end up with him, etc. This is the furthest thing from what I want and I hate feeling guilty for this. I know my boyfriend is very important to me and thats why the intrusve thoughts are targeting my relationship but it really sucks. I know what the truth is but at times my thoughts are so convincing and I dont know what to do. I’m looking for someone who has went through this and can give me any kind of advice on how to work through this and stay a good partner to my boyfriend. No negative comments or responses please.
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