I sort of explained where i am in my profile… i am so confused i have no idea what to do to help myself so maybe i'll give ….writing a blog a whirl.

I do not know what end is up anymore. when i get hit with ocd episode,i swing back and forth between the ocd, anxiety and depression ….every minute of my days! i dont even know what i think or how i feel because in a little while i'm gonna feel the opposite. one minute i'm crying, then i'm so angry,then i'm just so freakin tired i cant even move…

then i look at my husband, and see how much he hates 'this' (altho we do not discuss 'this') …and i just want to put myself somewhere. …but i dont know where to be put.

i am angry i have it and i'm angry i have to "try" to hide it! and i am so frighteed that my life is going to be the non stop hellit used to be'.

i went 3 years without an episode longer than maybe a week… and only had that happen a couple of times a year. now its all back… and it is blowing my mind. it's been getting gradually worse over the last 2-3 months… i consider it unbearable at this point.

i guess know that meds can stop working…. (oh like we need that to be able to happen) not sure if there's reasons for that. guess the drug roller coaster is ahead of me. it only took me 17 years to find the right ones last time. whats another 17 years….omiGd, could i cry a river any more…

well, i dont know if anyone will read this. i'm sort of hoping it's different than trying to talk to my husband. i'm hoping i'm not talking just to myself more. myself is not helping……

and speaking of spouses…. can someone please tell me what 'expectations' one in our positions, should/could have ….of a spouse?… is them 'not leaving us' enough support to be happy about?????