Things have been really hard lately. Not sure if anyone else can relate but I am always called attention seeking anytime I show emotion. I curl up in a ball With a PTSD flashback, all I hear when I come out of it is, “oh here he goes again with his bullshit”. Or I finally show my real self and allow myself to stim or walk my toes and I am accused of faking autism. It make me feel like I am just a burden or like I am too different to be loved. I am also in Cys custody and in a group home. I feel like no foster family would ever take me in if my worker were to try and get me a family. My Mom is also currently homeless and living off only a disability check. Its hard because I want to help her but I can’t. I can’t even get a job myself. I overheard The staff at my group home saying that if I can’t even handle a small Halloween party then there is no way I would ever be able to handle a job. I guess they are right. I am getting tested for autism in a few days though after asking repeatedly and for the first time ever, I opened up completely to my therapist.
Sensory issues: I struggle with many sensory issues.
- most sound(I tolerate it a bit)
- Beeping noises(cause breakdown)
- brushing teeth(bristles feel gross and toothpaste is too strong.)
- textures of things- too soft- too hard- too slimy, etc.
- strong smells
- bright lights
I also am not good in social settings. Can anyone else relate to any of this? I just feel like i am on my own here. i have always been different and struggle to make friends.
