I swear, as soon as I start getting through my downs of major depression to the point that I am just, ish, there, but not wishing I did not exist; my OCD decides to play its trumpet and go all out! Well, I am sure logically it’s due to that I have the slight energy that was sucked from the depression. But now I will go on an insane cleaning frenzy and making sure that everything is organized to the point that I need. But I do hate this cycle, its is not as much as the cleaning part (lol, similar OCD tick my mother has), but once I start doing it my wife is going to be upset and feel guilty and react in such a way that it will make go back into the depression. The conflict is that I am well, OCD with making sure it is all clean and well, she, well (I love her) a slob. Ok, she has pointed out and I am starting to realize that I am also a slight germ-a-phobe also. But I have found the worse the mess, the more depressed I am and if I am not allowed to clean, I automatically go back into depression. Odd cycle. I just do not want to feel like I am my great aunt that has white fabric furniture and carpet (white white, not of white) that is older then me and still white. But I just want things to be sterile and organized. It is one reason I am some what happy about moving into a new place since it feels like a fresh pallet, but my wife has already made a huge mess in the kitchen, that the more I think about it the more I have to do something about it before I go crazy. So until my tomorrows rambling.


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