I'm not sure if I had posted the news before, but my mother died this past summer.She had suffered from Alzheimer's disease for over 8 years and her passing was a relief and a blessing as they say.Mom missed her 89th birthday by less than 10 days but I did travel to Florida to see her a month before she passed. You see, somehow i knew that she wasn't going to be here for her birthday.I'm SO glad I listened to that inner voice that told me to get down there!

I told my brother during that trip that he needed to prepare himself for mama's death because it was imminent.I also told him that I was saying my goodbys to her then,and would not be back for her funeral.A month later she passed… I got SO many calls from relatives saying "We missed you at you mother's funeral, where were you?" I didn't answer any of the calls, but if I had I would have asked them "Where the hell were you the last 8 years that my mother was in an assisted living home?" They were certainly not keeping in touch or visiting her, but they sure showed up for her funeral!

My mama and I were on good terms however, she did leave me out of the will for (quote) "reasons due to my son's circumstance which he is aware of"…My brother seems to think that it was to protect my disability benefits but if that was so then she also trusted him to do the right thing and take care of things in a trust sort of way…He and his greedy wife have no intention of doing that and have been too busy crying poor mouth since mom died.As far as cash strapped Americans are doing, believe me, my brother is not doing poorly. I just mark it down to greed and the way that his conscience has changed in the 20-something years that he's been married. I have only heard from my brother twice since moms death, and my sister twice also. Both times it was when I called them.

I'm processing all of this and learning once again late in life, that your family is what and who you make it!I'm reviewing the relationship that I've had with my two siblings and have to admit that they never stood up for me when I was growing and in fact it was my sister who "outed" me as gay when I was a teen and was a huge factor in getting me kicked out onto the street. I was I who kept the lines of communication open for years, hoping that things would change. With mom's death it seems that the last vestige of that illusion has been shattered.I find it a little easier each day that I don't hear from them,to not think of them.They can have moms money, moms house,everything that belonged to her…except me.

I know that mama always held out the childlike hope that we wold all be reunited in the hearafter. But the question for me is this: If these people didn't want anything much to do with me in THIS short time frame, why in heavens name would I want to spend eternity with them?? I"ve decided that if we do indeed end up in some cosmic eternal existance…then I will need a HUGE vacation from these people before I want to see them again…..I figure a few trillion years would do for starters.

Loki , Out.