I doubt anyone will really get this as everyone on here seems to be at least 5 years older than me… :'(

Since all my anxiety returned in the past few months I've started to get more and more dependant and scared of leaving my mum like i was when i was 11, when all the anxiety problems first started. But it's my sisters University graduation tomorrow, in Durham, about 4 hours drive away. So my mum is going up for that early tomorrow morning and coming back the day after. I really want to be able to just stay here and be ok with just my other sister and boyfriend. But my anxiety can be so severe, and i think i depend on my mum mostly because she seems to be the only person who can calm me down when i'm panicking. I don't know what to do, I'm 17, nearly 18, and can't rely on her forever. I mean, i already worry about her death and she's only 50. I keep thinking maybe i should just go with her these 2 days but there are other problems with that as well – it's my driving test next week and Friday was supposed to be my last lesson before it. If i go to Durham obviously i'll have to miss that. I'm even a little anxious about going to Durham if i do decide to, because i'll have to stay alone about a mile away from the place my mum is staying. It would be at the top of a block of flats in my sisters room, she's staying in a different place with my mum for graduation. So either way i'll be anxious, but far less so in Durham. Anyways yeh i'm just blabbing on, I'm really scared.

I just want to be able to be independant and be alright on my own. This time last year I could have easily stayed a month or however long on my own, my mum being wherever in the country or even in a different country. 

 Maybe i should just try and stay here with my boyfriend, I've got things to distract me but that might not help. Night-times are especially bad, i begin to get anxious when it gets dark and if i feel remotely sick or anything i have huge anxiety because i have a phobia of being sick or anything to do with it. It's horrendous and can be so scary.

I still don't really feel like i've got it all out but ho hum. I don't know what to do. I don't think anyone'll read this anyway, i'm pretty much just yabbering. arghhh and people i know my age are going away to Greece with loads of friends. I really thought i'd be able to do that :'(

So i know i've probably bored everyone to death now…but if anyone has ANY advice or a story about a miracle curing anxiety, along those lines, that would be great! I'd very much appreciate it. Or even if you don't…