Watching the rain as it hits the pond….  This week has started off rather negatively, for the most part.  i was waiting for my package to arrive from my brother and his wife, for my birthday (which was groundhog’s day, btw), after UPS sent it back, saying i’d moved, and he’d resent it since i hadn’t moved.  i got one of their postcards in the mailbox saying they couldn’t deliver the package because i’d moved–my name is even on the box, now, and i am the primary lease-holder, as well as primary for all utilities!!!!!  So, i didn’t go out yesterday, since i was still waiting for the package to get here (the site said it was to be delivered yesterday).  Again, i go to the mailbox to check the mail, and find another postcard there, saying the package was being held in Wilmington until the 8th.  First of all, i spoke with several representatives–at least two of which are in the Wilmington office–and the understanding was the package was to be delivered to this address.  Secondly, when i called the Wilmington office yesterday, the same ‘chick’ i spoke to last week answered and went through the whole “i’m so sorry” routine and “we will hold it here until the 8th”….and the sender put restrictions on it.  To which i told her:  my brother would not put restrictions on it–unless he wanted me to sign for it, which would mean they’d have to deliver it!!!–and if they weren’t going to do their job and deliver the package to my address–as stated on said package–to fking ship it back to the sender, and hung up.  i sent a message to my brother to let him know what happened–we have NEVER had to go through this sort of BULLSHIT regarding a package, before!!!!!!  —and, he used to be in the Army!!!!  Maybe this is one of the huge reasons the go-to color for UPS is BROWN!??                                                                                                      That was enough stress for one day.  *sigh  When my husband called last night and left me a message, i didn’t hear the phone ring, since it was charging–and i was probably out of the room, too.  And, i left him a short message on his email, so i guess it kinda caught him off-guard.  So, when he got up this morning, he was on the phone, making sure i was OK.  Why?  What difference does it really make?  i know he doesn’t set out to continually hurt my feelings, but it doesn’t stop it from happening.  Besides, he’s got his “person” that he spent a week or two with, that he reads to and talks to daily….So, what difference does it make?  Of course, he’s still my husband….legally, anyway.  And, he is my contact person, should anything happen to me.  Plus, i was going through a moment of “he needs to know what’s going on in your head,” and i told him what i was really feeling and the thoughts going through my head, before i met with the counselor, last week.  Now, he cares…No, that’s not fair.  He’s always cared.  i’ve just questioned how much, i guess.  *sigh  i know i have to be straight with whomever is treating me, otherwise, the whole package can’t get ‘fixed’….i just hate going through this, one more time.  i mean, honestly, i have NO earthly idea where i’m going, once the lease expires in June.  Uncertainty is kicking my butt, right now.                                                                                                                                                               i have an appointment tomorrow, to see a physician’s assistant for my primary care.  i’m sure i’ll forget or overlook something, but hopefully, i’ve got most of it all written down, and on a usb drive to share, if need be.  i’m sure he’ll probably request some blood work–it’s been about 9 months or so, now, so i’m due for a check.  i just have my own issues with dealing with medical professionals, so anxiety is going to be a kicker tomorrow, for sure.  uuuuuggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!  All i can say at this point:  i hope between the counselor and the p.a., they can help me.  i’ve spent too much time in the darkness, lately.  i continue to need reasons to keep going.  i wrestle with the urges, all the time, lately.  This just can’t keep going on.  i’m spent.