It isn’t good to lie to ourselves to make our lives more bearable.

I was watching Dr.  Ramoni on you tube.  She said it may be painful to admit your truth verses lie to yourself to protect your false narrative.  It is called cognitive dissonance.  Healing comes from validation.

Here is the truths that live with no pretending things are better or were better than then are:

-I am not free to be myself to my husband.   My feelings and emotions are inconvenience to him.  I need to look a certain way and don’t expect him to be there for me.

-Adult daughter doesn’t care about me and is selfish and self absorbed.  I like a tool to her.   If she needs something, she turns on the “I need you mom charm” but if she doesn’t she is just busy.

Then, I am like a tool someone throws back onto a tool box.  They are done work the tool and the tools feelings don’t matter because they aren’t of use.

-One of Adult sons has pulled away from me and changed for the worst due to the relationship he is in.   Once he moves out, it is possible that I won’t ever meet his children if he marries “her.”

-I really don’t like my husbands mother.  She is hateful, creepy obsessed with him.  My skin crawls when I hear them on the phone.   He has the volume up on his phone and I can hear her voice.   It is cringe worthy.

I can’t figure out why she drives by her daughters home and her garbage on the curb to put her garbage in our garbage can.  The thought of her used adult diapers sitting in our garbage can when I take our garbage can makes me ill to my stomach.  I know she studies our garbage and recycling to attempt to find things about me.

-The person I could of married but didn’t is on my mind.   I work on remembering the reasons I didn’t marry him.   I had reasons.  They just aren’t vivid now.  I have moments of doubting myself and not marrying him.

I wonder what our children would of looked like and what it would of been like to build a life with him.   What if …..?  My life could of been better now or not? I need to work on trusting that I made the best decisions I could knowing what I knew at the time.

Thanks for listening.  You helped!

I hope you have a good day and that your life is going well!

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