So a while ago I wrote a blog about my ex step father and how my mother wanted know whether I wanted to be apart of his life or not. I told her I didn't know and after a week if proving that I really didnt know she let me have some time (then again she had time herself before turning in the paperwork). So that came up again. My mother wants to just be done with my step father so she wants my decision and honestly, I still don't know it…. I know that bad but I just don't know. I feel like if I make the wrong decision then I might regret it for the rest of my life and I just don't want to risk it. ~So I called him. This would have been the first time we've talked to each other in over a year. We talked for like two hours and everything went surprisingly good. Which was honestly not what I was hoping. I was hoping it would go really bad so I can just be like I want nothing to do with you but since it went good, I'm just kind of stuck. After the conversation with my step father, my mother got all mad at me. She had been listening into the conversation (despite me not wanting her too) and she misunderstood some of the things that were said in the conversation. She thought I had been talking bad about her behind her back and saying that she was the bad guy and it was just all a bug misunderstanding. Never the less, my mother and I ended up screaming at each other for 30 mintues before she finally understood that everything was a misunderstanding. Of course that was after I had already started crying and had gotten seriously upset but it's whatever. At least she knows I wasn't saying anything bad about her. I don't know what I want to do about the whole situation. But in my head I think I spent years trying to get that a** out of my life, why am I trying to get bad in it? But as I was thinking after(and during) the conversation I thought I rather missed that. Talking to him. I miss beyond able to unload on him after a long and tough day. I miss all the times that we hung out and had a food time. But this brings up the questions of what do I really miss, him or the memories? I mean is it really just him I miss or is it those memories that we created together? Is it those time when everything was perfect and sane or is it simply just him. Because if it's the memories then I can simply just start making new and better ones with other people. But if it's him then I would want/need to see him to fill that missingness (I know it's not a word, just go with it). I'm thinking it's more the memories that I am missing honestly. ~So my mother wants to redo my room. at first I didn't really know what to say because I kind of like my room but I started to digest the idea I guess I kind if like it. I guess my grandpa is going to built be a bed frame and head board with a lot of storage and such because my mom basically wants to get rid of everything that holds my things. (aside from my dresser and this drawer thing that holds my tv. It's like the bottom part of a hutch.) but she was like you're 16. Don't you want a 16 year old room. So I was just like yeah. Honestly I don't really mind this because I can really remember when I has my room last done over to fit me. My room is basically from my preteen years and I'm not the same girl I used to be when I was 11ish. ~Anyways I should probably get off. Sorry if there are a lot of mistakes. I'm on my brothers iPod again. I try to catch then as I go but sometime it doesn't work. Anywho check out that song I put up there. It's really good but it kind of sad honestly. It's got on of those tempos that could be at a funeral but the actually lyrics aren't sad or anything. They are rather inspirational. Bye y'all!!

1 Comment
  1. Andie372 8 years ago

    You can't decide on an instant whether or not you want a relationship to continue. Your Mom shouldn't be pressuring you like that. It's only natural at this stage that you want a father figure, especially with so much chaos in your life. I think you know in your heart what you want, you just don't want to hurt anyone. Make the decision that you feel is best

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