Today has been one of the most mellow days I have had in weeks. I am finally moving onward after the massive cycle of depression I have had in a while. I have chosen not to go into chat yet. I am still a little fragile and I don't really feel like chatting yet. I spend my time here on my computer and at other times, reading and watching some tv. I am reading more than watching tv, considering there are very few shows I want to see. I do love Masterpiece Theatre, on our Channel 13, here in New York. I look for shows that don't have violent content, because that makes me sick. I have been praying a lot. That always helps, because God does take care of us, the mentally challenged. I don't go out too much in my car, because gas prices here are over the top. So, I only go out 3 times in a week, more or less. Now that it is Spring, it makes it easier for me to cope. I am looking forward to the summer, when I want to go on a cruise. I have that in my bucket list, because I have never been on a cruise and I want to do that. Maybe, next year I will go to San Diego or somewhere else that is in my bucket list. I am 55 and I misused so many years in my life. I was on drugs, strip teasing, going from one bed to another… I am not proud of my life as a young lady. However, I still am alive, so I want to do some things for pleasure that are TRUE pleasure and not the fake kind I lived for so many years. I have very few people as friends, but I like it that way. My family thinks I am crazy, because they don't understand depression. So, they watch and wait to see if the other shoe is going to drop. Little do they know that THEY are the ones who could be considered a little crazy. At least, I am going to a doctor and in therapy for my mental challenges. They all think they are fine, but they really aren't. I hardly ever talk with them and I prefer it that way. I have no lover or boyfriend or husband. I have my pet, a dog, named Ashley Marie, who is my baby girl… I live with 2 room-mates that are super women. They too are mentally challenged and we all get along just fine. My doctor treated me very well during this last cycle of depression, which was hard because I have Major Depressive Disorder, and that is hard to treat when an episode comes through. We made it through and I am glad. Maybe, at some point in the near future, I will go back into the chat room. For now, I am still a bit fragile, like I said before. I need to look out for myself, as no one else is going to look out for me. I tried going into chat when I was sick and no one cared, so what type of "support" is in the chat room? Very little… no one like to talk about illness. They just talk about other things, which is fine with me, but, I needed someone to talk to about my depression and no one was there for me. At least, it didn't seem like it. I don't hold grudges or bad-talk about anyone… life is such. Well, that's enough of my thoughts for now. I will read some blogs to see paralell situations. Heaven help me.

1 Comment
  1. Evelyn 11 years ago

    I want to thank all of you who read my blog and understood what I am going through and how I thank God that it now has passed and I am seeing new light. I have been trying to do things to lift the depression, but I procrastinate and don't do much right now. Maybe as summer gets closer I can go walking. I am very overweight and can't do much, but I can walk. My dog needs to lose a couple of pounds herself, so I guess we will both be getting the benefit of walking. I can't do it in the winter, because of my pulmonary problems, but if I get a good start in the summer, I will then be a little better and join a gym I have here close to my house. There I can have a personal trainer to help me and work out on machines too. I was once a pageant winner, a dancer, an entertainer… all that stopped when I got married and I am depressed that now, since I am so fat, I can't get back where I left off. The husband is gone, Thank God. Now, the weight has got to come off. Taking these "baby" steps is what is going to work for me. If I try to put too much on my plate, I will fail. I bought a treadmill and it is just there. I haven't used it in 2 years. maybe, by joining the gym, in the Fall, I will then regain stamina slowly and become thinner and happier. A lot of my depression has to do with not being able to go back to show business as I am now. Time will tell. Thank you all for your comments. I know you did it from your heart. Thanks again…. Evelyn

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