Please don't read this blog if you are triggered easily.

I was 14yrs old and had the most special friend and boyfriend named Terry.  We knew each other so completely that when we were apart we knew what the other was doing and thinking.  He was my life partner and I knew this at that young age.

There were 4 guys in the neighborhood that were always in trouble and always bullying people.  They liked to pick on me and Terry because I guess they were jealous of our relationship.  One of them wanted to date me and when I turned him down it made him mad.  I'd heard he really had a crush on me.

One night Terry and I were sitting in his back yard at the picnic table  just holding hands and talking about the future.  These 4 bullies came into the yard saying things to try and rile Terry  into a fight but Terry never had anything to do with fights and ignored them.  They kept it up until one of them pulled Terry off the bench and put him on the ground.  I jumped up to go get Terry's parents and another one the one that had the crush on me pulled me to the ground.  I screamed but no one came, no one….I remember watching Terry, looking in his eyes as he was being beaten up, him looking into my eyes as I was being raped, looking into his eyes as I felt the knife go into my stomach and move up, looking into his eyes as I felt the warm blood flow, leaving his eyes and screaming as a knife was pushed into his chest, screaming as I saw the blood, looking into Terry's eyes as he took his last breath and then I blacked out.  I awoke in a  hospital room not remembering what happened at first and then hearing the rain, hearing the thunder and with a flash of lightening remembering piece by piece with each flash what had happened to me, what had happened to Terry and then remembering I had Terry no more. I was kept sedated for two days I was told.  The doctors had to take out my appendix, my gall bladder, repair a kidney and take out an ovary but I didn't care.  It was Terry I wanted and nothing else, I didn't care about myself just wanted Terry back!  The guys were arrested, my parents and Terry's had finally heard my screams but they were too late to save either of us from the hands of those ******* ing guys.

Now you  know why thunderstorms bother me so much to this day.  Each flash of lightening brings back a memory until the whole time is back inside my head.  Panic attacks come, depression goes deeper and I'm oblivious to anything around me until it stops.