Whoami and a bunch of other people provoked some thoughts so i felt compelled to share…

Dragnik: "the moment a lot of people sense any sort of weakness, they usually pounce on it to elevate their self-esteem. this is no different than a chicken that gets injured, and the others sense it's injured and peck it to death."

i cant stress how true this statement is! We are all guilty of it to one extent or another whether we notice it or not. and the only conclusion i have come to is that we do it out of retaliation against people that did it to us…so you see its a domino effect, kind of like pay it forward only in the sense that it does no good to humankind. We are all animals though and this is just another trait that proves it. In order to seem like you can hold your own, you must prove the weakness of others. In some peoples fucked up views, that is how it works for them. In SA'rs or people with high anxiety levels, they tend to be a lot more sensitive and therefore take other peoples feelings more into account. Most people don't.

Like my quote says and like CJ, dragnik, and ilovecharade say, it all comes down to what you will take, you have to develop a skin or people will take advantage of your weakness, no matter how nice they seem and sometimes, it may sound like a contridiction to what i ust said but really what isnt contridicted, nothing is finite b/c people arent finite. SOMETIMES, people with SA and anxiety have very low levels of self esteem and elevate their status in chat if you will, to come across tougher but in reality it is just a kitty playing a tiger. It is their way of feeling bigger than they are.

Developing a strong enough skin takes time and work and a lot of facing your fears, a lot of standing in the line of fire and it can be lost as easily as it is found. I think the secret is maintenance, and this may sound corny but we constantly need to jumpstart ourselves and oil our rusty parts. ( i'm not even a car lover, its just teh first thing that popped in my head lol ) Nothing stays fresh unless you keep it that way. You have to work on your confidence, you have to face fears, but now i feel like tony robbins so im wrapping it up….

I was there once and i took a lot of beatings (mentally) and somewhere along the line i became very vulnerable and gave up in a way, it was chronic pain and depression. Now, alot of my anxiety is over the KNOWN, i know what to expect and therefore i don't want it. I'm working on this, im working on being stronger again, i think about where i was before and how much i've succeeded in some things that it keeps me going. I'm trying hard not to dwell on things and feel sorry for myself. The biggest thing is feeling like its too late b/c i'm 28. Like i had my chance, but i imagine when im 35 and realize how wrong i truly was. No matter how bad shit is, it can always get worse, remember how lucky you are. if you want something, will it, no one can stop you unless you let them.

Whoda thought i'd be this bit of insightful with the flu. I should get sick more often. First time i have been able to focus in a while.