I could hear a cricket chirp on my page its been so long since I have been here.  I would say that life has gotten in the way but as well know that is more an excuse than anything else.  However that being said, I am still here and just celebrated a year of being not only clean and sober but a year of change.   I remember all of what I thought at the time cliche sayings but ya know they all have been true.  Making the decision to do whatever it took to stay a step ahead of my addiction has paid off. Is it picture perfect? No but it is way better than the life I led before when I was using.  its been a year indeed, there is a lot to be said "If you dont "use" things will get better"  and they have.  I still have my days but that is part of being human, I used to be so angry at the world for not understanding me, and now I see that it was maybe me who didnt understand, as all of you know US ADDICTS are WAY TO SENSITIVE…lol I suppose thats a triat of being a little co-dependant.

Last year at this time I was "broken" just a raw shell of a human with every nerve exposed.  In talking to a very close friend she said I was different now that when her and I met 6 months ago, she said I am less broken..silly but I think I see what she means.  Doing what it takes was hard for me, especially from the follow through stand point.  Weekly counseling has been bumpoed due to scheduling fuck ups to almost monthly, that in its self led to a self destructive downward spiral for a bit back in january but then I realied it wasnt that big of a deal as I was doing most of the work solo.  Family counseling has given me back a chance at seeing what the future will hold for bern and I, my kids have a new gained respect and veiw of me and the try to spend all the time they can here when I am not working or in school.  Even the simple act of taking care of myself better has improved, I now will go to the doctors instead of waiting for it to get so out of control that I am on the literal brink of death.    Meetings have been on of the few things that I have not been keeping up on, though I have people that I speak to daily it isnt quite the same.  I think I will work on that one.   Life is good for me, my second semested is almost over, work is going well, I just had surgery and am on the mend so that will have me down for a little bit, but I am not letting is crush me like it would in the past.  Oh yeah the past…I just dont live there anymore…Thank the Big G for that one…ODAAT Folks….Good to be back