Hi! 🌻

Hopefully, everyone is doing well. If not, ((((hug)))) I hate that you are having a hard time / bad day / medical situation / dealing with a break up / being abused etc.    

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I managed to find a way to drive with my hand injury / broken finger.  

 Right now, I am sitting at the lake surrounded by sand, seagulls and watching and listening to the water movement on the shore.

Yellow leaves are falling from the trees, as boats move past me making waves in the water.    I am alone and no one is anywhere in sight.  

Last night, many tears were shed due to the way my husband treated me.    I sat in my car and cried.

I am stuck in this verbal abusive situation.  The only option I can come up with is go by the limited rules of relating to a toxic abusive person.   Treating a abusive person in the same way you would treat a person who isn’t abusive doesn’t work.    They weaponize your kindness and use any information with your sensitivities against you.     

Somehow, I have to build a full life while he is at work and I will continue to treasure any kindness or emotional support and friendships that I currently have online.  

It would be good if I could find a off line social connection even if it means driving half an hour once a week away from this “place.”  

Did I ruin my life by marrying him? Is there any hope to get out of this situation? I don’t know the answers to these questions.  

I can’t control some things about my life right now.

Here is what I can control

-not to stress eat

– to get enough sleep

-cry when I need to cry but not in front of him

-follow the rules of dealing with abusive and toxic people 

-move my body, eat enough, drink enough, shower, and get dressed for the day every day even when I feel very discouraged

– I can control my reaction to him / cruel words and protect my heart 

-I can share on here how I really feel about it but act like he doesn’t even affect me.   I will work on this skill because I am sensitive.

-I can make the most of the time when he is at work and just go to bed super early when he gets home   

-I can pretend to be asleep when he gets up in the morning and continue this until he leaves    

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Thanks for listening

Lacey  🌸