Hi folks,

So I have tried to write this Blog now for a week and i could not come up with the words to discribe how i have felt this wek… I will start by saying that in the 16 years that i have been sober this has been the most chalanging and confusing year that i have ever had… But what has come out of it is a whole new understanding on who and what i am… what a gift that is. I am not going to get into a whole lot about what happend this week to finally push me over the other side of this mountain i have been trying to clime for the last year… but what happened was probly the most freeing thing that could have happend. I relized that the group i was a part of I don't want any part of.. they have this wonderful creed and song… but it would be even greater if they lived what the spoke… You know those people that spout off in meetings all this great stuff and then walk out side the doors and live the exact opposite… I am glad that i do not live in the shoes of a couple of them… one being a whore and a theif… man to live that kind of life and stay sober… man i couldn't do it… the cool thing is i like who i am today and these people had me questioning all of who and what i was… i am glad that they could not break me…. and so are all my true friends… (you know it is when you find out…) with friends like that who needs emenys… well they made it simple for me… they kicked me out… WOW what a new found freedom i have found this week… there are a few things that i am going to miss Like My best friend… (that no contact sucks..) but as i have been told that God places people in our lives when we need them the most.. they are there for a reason and when there job has been accomplished (she was there for me when i needed her and i was there for her.. ) they go away.. I am extreamly  sad that she is gone.. but the love that is there for both of us will never go away and no one can take from us what we have and had… And how people are trying..  and it is all about jelousy… and this whor*** could not stand it…to bad for her that she will never have or find true friendship because she does not know how to be a friend… i think she does the things that she does because like many of us we are trying to find that person place or thing to fill that whole that we all had when we got here… I found my whole filler in an awesome god that loves me and shows me the way to go threw life with grace and dignity… wow what a concept… You know i do not think that i would change one little thing in this last year.. i have learned so much and you know a lot of it is what i do not want and the rest of it is what i do want.. and that i am worth way so much more then i gave my self credit for… Soberty has many phases that we go threw and God as i understand him will never place on me more then i can handle… i some times question his idea of what he thinks i can handle but in the end i have handled it all… and sometime not gracefully.. My Sponsor guilds me in areas that i am confused over and says simple things like Poof Be Gone… what a simple answer for a shi*y problem…. My side of the street is clean today… What an awesome feeling that is… and if i want to get real honest in my stuff the inventory's that i have taken of others this week… I again would not want to live in there shoes… So in all actuality they did me a favor in putting me on that no contact list because i do not have to pretend to like them any more… the commitments that i have made i intend to keep…I will keep on doing what i said i would do. And i will continue to pay the bills that i am obligated to pay… wow what a freedom comes from working the steps and actually hearing what my sponsor says and not hearing what i  want to hear… so even thow this has been an extreamly hard week for me i am to the other side and i do love my life today and others love me… for being just me 🙂 

 

You all have an awesome week unless you have made other plans… 

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