hey everyone, i just want to start by saying thanks to everyone for the support and kindness over the past week or 2 when i wasnt feeling too good. I really appriciate it. Im feeling better, now, alot better. I dont know if thats due to the fact that i was honest about how really low i was feeling and how empty i was feeling, or if its because the anti-depressants are starting to kick in or because of all the support i had been given by friends and family and everyone here but all in all whatever the reason is…the out come is positive cos im feeling better.
I stil do feel like ther is something missing inside of me and i think i may have figured out what it is to some extent. You see i thought as soon as i came off methadone i would be free and everything would be back to normal (im not that deluded, i know thats when the real battle starts) but i just think i put to much emphasis on it and expected to much of myself for when i came off it. Anyway as i said i thought i could just go backt to being ''me''…. but there lies the problem, i am not the person i thought i could go back to being anymore, that person, apart from when she was a small child was using drugs, drinking , getting in trouble etc etc for so long and now thats not a part of my life anymore i guess i felt lost, like i didnt know how to act or what to do… and i thinlk thats what i feel was missing. I still do, i mean i have to create a whole new life for myself in a sense, and its not an easy thing to do. I know i fucked up and i used but i also know thats not where i want to be, i worked so hard to get away from all that shit and im not going to let one litte slip bring me back to that shit , empty , horrible life.