Ok I am back on FB. For once I was able to write a well thought out email without letting my crazy emotion get in the way. I think that is one of the reasons I was reactivated by their admin. I still don't know what the problem was. A picture? I didn't have any that showed more than just me in a bra and biker shorts which is more than what some girls wear to the mall now a days. But then not all of those pics were removed so I just don't know.

I am trying to stay busy on eBay so I don't get too depressed. I can't fall back into that depression. I will do anything to stop it. Pretty much anything. I call it "forced mania". I made that term up unless it really exists. Back in the day it was NOT cool to cut yourself. I thought I was the only one who did it. I probably was, back in the day. Now everyone does it. Weird. I don't cut hardly ever anymore. I have enough other aches and pains, but I understand the wanting to. Anyway, the "forced mania" is when I get myself so hyper and giddy that I don't get depressed. I use caffeine and my crazy sense of humor and nothing else, so I guess it could be worse. It's not a bad thing, but it can only last so long. Like when I take a real look at my life. It's devastating.

Valentines is coming up and I am thinking of how I can afford to buy myself something special. I don't have and never will again have a boyfriend so I need to be the one who buys me jewelry. I love jewelry. I mean it's my passion. I would have been a gemologist if I wasn't so screwed up and could have gotten my shit together. Being a jeweler/gemologist was always my second choice after actress for some kind of career

Oh yeah and finding someone is a fucking joke in a fucking half! I will never have a chance. Those dating sites are pathetic, I don't belong to anything where I could meet someone (yes I have interests and I join groups and know people but I NEVER meet a guy that likes me that I like or if someone likes me I am just not feeling it) So forget it. It's always the same. Every few months I try and I fail.

I have decided that if I ever saw Kyle laying in a gutter I would spit on him. No, I'd piss on him. Make that shit. In his mouth. Fucker.

Well I better go do something before the caffeine wears off and I feel terrible again. Ciao.

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