It is amazing how fast a good day can turn into a shitty one. I been working at the same store for a year now and still no respect. I change the time I'm willing to work and they take the one part of my job I actually like away from me. So my options are less hours and no good part or open up and close at 11pm and turn around and come back in at 6 or 7am to have the good part of the job. I have too many bills to give up hours. If I dont work we have no place to live or food to eat. Its not fair to have so much on my shoulders and I have no idea what to do anymore. Then my boyfriend had a job interview today and didnt get it now he is so upset he wont say much of anything. I cant even get a hug out of him. I try so hard to be supportive but its so hard when I'm always being slapped in the face for it. I cant fix it just want to be there for him. Fixing everything or at least trying is taking its tol on me. I cant keep doing it. Its days like this I really hate my life and think the world would be better off without me. I dont know why I even bother shit just blows up in my face. My thoughts are so dark it even scares me sometimes. I'm so lost right now. I just want something to go right for once in my life. As long as I can remember back I have been being shit on. In pretty much every part of my life. No matter how hard I work it never works out it just seems to make it worse. Cant help but think maybe I should just go away. Curl up in my bed and wait for death to find me and give me the release I feel I need. I just dont understand any of it.

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