It’s 4 days to my birthday. A time of joy for some but definitely  not for me. A birthday is all about family and I don’t get on with my family. I don’t remember ever having a birthday I enjoyed. It’s the time of the year where I get the most drunk or stoned just so that when I wake up my birthday has passed and I don’t have to deal with it. Personally in think that birthdays are about other people trying to show the person whose birthday it is that they have people that care about them. It is something that I have never experienced.

Even when I was younger having friends or a social life wasn’t a thing so when everyone would talk about birthdays I would just feel awkward.

I think I kid myself that my family have some understanding of who I am. But this is proved wrong time and time again.

I was never lucky enough to grow up with a close family and this time of year it really hits home. I turn 35 this year.

My brother just asked me if I would come for his son’s (my nephews) birthday. It’s in 14 days time. He made no mention of my birthday. Not even a little bit. It’s one of those moments where I realised that he just doesn’t give a shit about me. It’s a hard thing to face. None of my family do.

I’m all alone. Some days up I’m fine with that and other days it kills me. Today is an other day.