i'm just sitting here in my bed, alone, and thinking about a girl i work with and her boyfriend who i met today whom she ALWAYS talks about.  it drives me crazy that she has a boyfriend and i don't. she isn't that pretty and is a selfish little brat. why does she get a boyfriend and i don't? 

i am 24 and have never had a real boyfriend. the closest i have come was with a guy who told me he "needed to be alone" and "wasn't sure he wanted a girlfriend at all" … and then met the love of his life a month later; they've been together for almost 3 years now. 
people tell me i'm pretty and that it will happen and that i just have to not want it or look for it and it will come. how can i NOT want a boyfriend when i'm so lonely and LONG for one. i don't know how to turn that off. if i could, i would. 
what is so wrong with me? am i going to forever be that third wheel? the sad alone woman with the cats b/c no human would love her? my list of true friends is small, but solid. i have my families support and i know they love me. but all that does nothing to make me feel like there is something wrong and unlovable about me. i am stuck in a downward spiral of catch 22. to get a guy i need confidence and i have none b/c i can't get a guy. therefore i just spiral down and down into the self-hatered i have become so accustomed to. 
what is wrong with me? why me? why does my stomach turn every time a see a couple? why do i stare longinly without the ability to look away when i see 2 people simply holding hands? 
i don't understand. i feel like i am the only person who feels this way and for so long. there must be something wrong with me and i don't know what. what makes me so unlovable? … i just want someone. i want a companion and someone who will be there for me. why is that so hard to find? … what is wrong with me?
1 Comment
  1. asmo213 14 years ago

    I can tell you that you're not alone with your plight. There are alot of people with the same problem. But I know it doesn't make it any easier to deal with knowing this. From a guy's perspective, it's hard these days to walk up to a girl and start a conversation. It's even more intimidating when the girl is pretty looking (like yourself). I know my first thought when I see an attractive girl is either "oh, she's out of my league" or "she must have a man already". So I don't take the chance. Maybe that is part of your problem. But yes, to be honest it would help if you tried to make first contact sometimes. Believe me, it'd be a relief to some of the guys out there! I truly believe that it will happen, you just have to put yourself out there, you have to push yourself a little. There is NOTHING wrong with you. Everyone longs for a companion, someone there to talk to, confide in, and love. It's part of human nature to want what everyone else has. Unfortunately, not everyone finds that person when they are ready for him/her. I know it's hard, but you have to stay strong. You have to believe that you are good enough for that one special person. If you dont, then you will pass them up and not even know it. I hope this helps you some….

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