i know that it is fucked up that i can  not love or care for my  family but i have my reasons ,

my family has never cared about  me or tried to understand why i do the things i do and act the way i act i know they could never love me like i loved them  so i slowly stopped loving them in tell i could not love them any more  i hate myself for it but now it´s to late cuz when i dislike some one i will never like or love them ever again i have to act like i still love them but i just wish i could but i know deep down in my heart that they would and/or could never love me or care about me  i wish i did not have to live with them but i do so every day i just get yelled at i just get told that there is something really wrong with me i do not want any thing to be wrong with me so i pushed it all down and now people want me to open up and so now all i´m doing is getting wires and not beater.

i wish i could just be died already cuz i´m to scared to keep living but i know i have at like 4-5 people that care about me but i know it´s not any one from my family.