Soo today wasn't one of my better days. After starting Lexapro I started having more vivid dreams which isn't a big deal to me, however, when I have dreams about my past and my ex it usually leads to me having a bad day. If I don't have these dreams I can keep my mind off of things pretty much during the day but when I start my day off with these memories in my head everything seems to go downhill from there.
I'm feeling really discouraged and lonely tonight. I feel like I just need someone to talk to or spend time with. When I'm alone my mind doesn't stop going and it just brings me down. I wish there was a stop button sometimes. I'm really missing how my life used to be. I remember being happy and being loved and having hope and enjoying my days. Don't get me wrong, I have good days but lately I've been starting to feel more depressed. I've met some people who I thought cared about me but I'm starting to question this now. I need someone to be there for me but I can't seem to find this person. I found myself lately having crying spells at night. This is also discouraging because I had gone weeks without crying, I feel like I'm back tracking. I know that this happens but it's still hard to deal with sometimes.
I know I'm doing this backwards but oh well, I guess I should mention a few things about why I'm here. I've suffered from depression and anxiety since I was in high school. I went to a therapist while I was in high school but stopped going to one when I started college. My first two years of college were rough until I met my ex. We were together for two years and I swear to you he's the only reason I made it through college. While I was in college my anxiety continually got worse, as did my depression. I kept saying I was going to do something about it but didn't. Not until me and my boyfriend broke up. That was probably the lowest point in my life. My depression got out of control, I finally got help and was placed on Lexapro to help with my anxiety and depression. It seemed to help more with my anxiety than my depression but either way I was feeling better. I stopped going to therapy and things seemed okay for awhile but for some reason lately my depression seems to be creeping back up on me. Very frustrating.