Sometimes people think they’re being helpful when they give these superficial pep-talks. I say, “I’m fucking dying here” and they essentially say “Don’t quit. Be amazing!” 

It’s like encouraging a runner to finish the marathon on two broken legs, despite the pain they’re in, despite the damage it’s causing them. “Don’t be a quitter! You’ve made it so far! Keep up the good work! You’ll get through it!” We keep “encouraging” instead of addressing or even acknowleging the injuries, because what else are we supposed to do? Acknowledge this weird tendency for people to torture themselves into someone else’s idea of achievement?  

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with lifting someone’s spirits when they’re tapped out, but this notion that everything MUST NOT STOP EVER is damaging. If it hurts…stop. Not forever, necessarily. But pause, sit down for a minute, regain your bearings, and maybe just catch that next train, because the destination isn’t going anywhere. 

This big thing you’ve been killing yourself over? Wasn’t it supposed to be for you? So why have people turned it into a new channel for you to prove something to them? 

Stop telling me I *can do it*. I don’t need your validation. I need a fucking break and I don’t need any grief over it. It would like it if someone would just say: “Take care of you. Jump back in when you’re feeling closer to yourself again. This is *your* goal–no one else’s. You decide what you can handle and when–and when you need a moment to regroup, do it.”

Not this canned “You’ll do great” bullshit. Well intentioned, yes, but bullshit all the same. If you’re going to say anything at all, a simple “Do what you *can*” is preferable. It’s nice when someone genuinely cares and gives you the space to just *pause* and *breathe* before having to pick yourself back up, without all the added noise and pressure to exist on someone else’s terms. 

Will I be okay? Probably. It feels like shit, I’m tired, crabby, overloaded with commitments, and missing time with my kid. It’s like a rollercoaster that won’t stop on my account. All I want is for people to quit telling me how great I’m doing as they pile more responsibilities and worries onto my already full load. 

And for my part? I need to start saying “no” at work, asking for extensions for assignments. When I have a chance to stop panicking over all these expectations I have to meet, I’ll be in a better position to plan out my schedule. For now, I just need to be left alone by basically everyone on the planet. Not happening.