Well i got some feedback from friends on my last blog, the reason I haven't blog was in hopes that other tribe members would share in their journey to recovery.. i only pointed out the facts in RELAPSE that its a process and you can really stop yourself from self destruction, anyway im not gonna stress the fact..Another thing that stood out was JJ's question to his why am i in recovery question, i'll be more than glad to share with everyone why im in recovery and why i haven't attended any NA meeting YET..
At first when I went to a detox center the beginning of last month it wasn't really cause I wanted to, it was the only solution to a ongoing 10 year addiction, long story short my girlfriend just had enough. I was just your average junkie now in a detox facility, being there opened my eyes to alot. I saw guys in there 30-40 years old but one guy who really stood out to me was a guy who just came straight from prison, i think he went on a 2-3 month run before he checked himself into the detox. He was coming off crack, meth dope alcohol he was just in bad shape. I saw that one morning and saved him a suboxone because i didn't need to take 2 of them. I'm sure it was after breakfast he didn't look so hot so I slipped him the pill he took it and felt better almost instantly. We get into conversation and he goes without this or the penn i'll never be clean, i just can't do it in the street by myself. I'm thinking to myself like wow addiction got its grips on this guy. I got out and i stayed clean for a little fast forward to my last relapse 2 weeks ago, i remember being high on NYC quality dope just saying to myself damn this is it huh? I let 20cc's of brown liquid defeat me again..
Waking up that day I told myself I've had enough, this has taken away 10 years of my life, before dope I had so much potential to do alot.. These 2 weeks hasn't felt like 2 weeks its felt like the beginning to something great. I'm getting myself into a great mindframe, things I've procrastinated I'm finally doing like going out and looking for work. Im not afraid to take those in office urine analyist. Before i'd drink a gallon of water to beat them drug test. I put on a good 10 lbs, im eating more often, spending quality times with the kids and my parents seem to be bitching less..I like the way things are and it only gets better long as I stay clean. You know I haven't been to a meeting yet only because I haven't found a place where I would be comfortable. I live in the sticks and they dont have meetings here in Jamestown NC so I have to go into High Point. Let me tell you HP didn't get its name for no reason they say "you come to the Point to get High" For me to open up to a group of people i have to somewhat trust em, im sharing my most inner, embarassing parts of my life with you, and im just not comfortable sharing information like that to some bum who was just begging me for beer money in there just so you can stay at the shelter for the night, not that im looking down on that person. I just have to be comfortable to do the step work with people.
Im in recovery for me 1st….I like the results from my sobriety and proving to myself that i can stay sober is all best reward of all