Wow.
So after a pretty good night (of drinking, I'll confess) my ex-manager (who just recently quit, as you guys kind are familiar with) decided to message me on Facebook. She decided that she needed to let me know that the other assistant manager deserved to be the actual manager more than I did. She thinks that corporate is being shady, and acting like it's my fault for being there WHEN SHE'S THE ONE WHO MOVED ME THERE AND PROMOTED ME TO ASSISTANT MANAGER. She's made me feel more than invisible this week, and now she's made me feel like an asshole loser for going in for my interview.
I expressed to you guys that I knew that I didn't deserve it, that the other girl had been there longer than me, and that I was surprised and kind of heart broken that they were even doing an interview when she was the obvious choice. I have been hating myself for days thinking that this is just a cruel joke. And now she, I'll admit that she doesn't know about my depression, has gone and made it even worse. She tries to say nothing personal and no offense, but it's hard not to take offense when she's trying to say that I don't do shit and I don't deserve to get recognized. Of course I don't tell her that the other girl spends 99% of her time in the back NOT TAKING HAIRCUTS and just playing around on Groupon. I don't tell her that a lot of the CORRECT things she knows are because I came in and taught her. She just knows that the other girl came to her and whined how unfair it was, and whined how she does all (not even) the work and whined how she's been with the company longer than I have.
I am so upset. The other assistant was supposedly my friend, and now what? I don't trust her, I sure as hell don't respect her. How dare she act like I wasn't in her fucking corner. I hate myself, how would I ever think I deserve it more than her? Jesus. And what a slap to my self esteem. No, Stefanie, you don't deserve a better life. You don't deserve a better position. Why does it make people feel better to do this? I get that she needed to vent but why vent to the person it's going to hurt?
I feel so empty.
Oh, alcohol, you are my only friend anymore.
Thank you guys, you are definitely right. Last night was a pretty big wake up call for me. I know I'll be getting my insurance soon so that gives me hope that things are going to be looking up soon. And I agree, mmt, I do need to find a new profession. Drama is rampant in this job and that's not the kind of person I am. I guess I'm just scared that I'm not qualified for anything else, because my area still doesn't have many jobs and this is what I have all my work experience in.
Thank you both for your kind words (:
I'm going to take it to heart and start looking around, if anything I'll go back to school so I can do something better.