like the title says depression sucks. i did not want this in my life (but then again who would). i hate the feelings that come with it. the loneliness…the mood swings…the isolation… the exhaustion of dealing with it all. life used to be so great and now i am left with a broken life. i used to have crying spells for no reason. meds have stopped that. i hope to get better but it's been a long road on recovery from it.

my angel has helped me make steps in the right direction. i am grateful for her friendship. we share the same disease (depression) and really relate to one another in a way i did not think possible before i met her. we have the same thoughts and symptoms of depression. when i read her email it's like she can read my mind and i am glad i help her as much as she helps me. it feels good to know i bring a smile to her face. knowing her has removed some of the negative thoughts i have. i feel less isolated even thou i spend the majority of my time in my room…alone. for the first time in a long time i do not feel totally worthless.

they (people from group and therapists). tell me to exercise…that it will help but i lack the motivation to get back to the gym (just being honest). there was a point in my life before i got sick that i would never think of missing a work out. they tell me to seek out activities that bring me pleasure but i have not found them yet. they tell me to try to be around people who are caring and positive but i actually have few true friends. i have a lot of acquaintances but lack true friends. i can count my true friends on one hand.

i hate being alone. when my ex left me, i took a mental beat down from her before she left. some of those statements she made stay with me to this day and i do not know how to get over them. she was one of those type of people that say (about depression) " just get over it" or “it's just all in your head. get over it”. she lacked compassion. she lacked knowledge about what depression is like a lot of people today. if i could just be better i would be because this is no way to live…actually i am just existing not living life.


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