I got a phone call from one of my sisters over in Scotland today (sister 2). She called me at work in the late afternoon just as I was starting to wind down for the day. It was a little awkward trying to have a conversation with her while my colleges were listening in. I think the main reason she was calling was because I haven’t spoken to my parents in over two weeks, and I haven’t called my other sister (sister 1) since I flew back to work.

I’m so bloody lonely, but I hate the fact that people want to talk to me just to make sure I’m not freaking out. It’s only been a month since I was officially diagnosed and I’m already sick of being treated like an eggshell. I suppose they care about me, but I don’t feel anything toward them.

I just want to be treated like a normal person. I can fake it but inside it doesn’t feel right. I fly back home in two days time and I’m not sure what will happen. I’ve got a few things lined up, but that doesn’t mean I won’t lose it. Some of the worst episodes I’ve had are when I’ve had things planned and they’ve fallen through (or I’ve given up on them).

As I’ve been writing this I’ve been checking my emails, and it looks like sister 1 has sent me a message on Facebook. I’ve been avoiding reading it for as long as I can. All it’s going to say is “How it is going? Are the new drugs working? Call me”

Ah well. Can’t hide forever I guess.

1 Comment
  1. sorrowfulpoet 14 years ago

    At least they love you enough to check on you. I know that many people don't really seem to understand mental illness, and aren't sure how to behave, but the fact they ARE concerned is at least a starting point.

    I so, utterly, understand how plans falling through can mess up your day, or week, or month. I've been there. It's hard to deal with. It doesn't help that the most mature of my friends (people I make plans with) are married and have kids, and so have sporadic schedules due to those things. Yet its the little things that can wreck a day, and they can't really help that, if they could, I'm sure they would.

    Just try and keep moving, do your best. It isn't easy.  But if you work at it, things CAN improve. It may seem like it takes forever, but a little bit at a time is still an improvement.



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