I always put myself in situations that are not good for me or my mental health. I never used to consider myself a needy person but have come to finally accept that I am. There's a line in the song by The Smiths "How Soon is Now?" that says"I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does…". All I long for is to have someone love me with all their being and accept me for who and what I am. My husband and I are finally getting divorced. Even though I was glad he finally accepted that we just can't get along and are not right together… It still made me extremely sad. Who want to have a failed marriage? I knew we wrong together from the start and hoped he'd change. I've know him for 12 yrs and we just had our 10 yr anniversary in Nov. And I realized Fuck man where has my life gone? We argue all the time. He always underminds me when it comes to the kids. It's a constant battle. Don't get me wrong I still love and care for him even after all the crap, but we just can't be together. Can you believe he saw nothing wrong with our marriage? He has always been very insensitive, never supported me in anything and just not there emotionally. I get that he had a rough childhood and never learned how to love. I get it but break the cycle for crying out loud. I am finally gonna go back to counseling. I am just a mess and need help. I am finding myself falling back into the black abyss of saddness and hopelessness. I should be in a better place. I am working again and am going to college. Something I've been wanting to do since i left school. Speaking of which I better finish getting ready before I'm late for class. I will finish this blog later. Have so much on my mind…..


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