So. Tonight is Kristens Birthday. (my cousins girlfriend) and she is awesome!! Soo much fun to hang out with. So tonight should be tons of fun! She is thinking about going to a bar/club tonight. I soooo miss going out to the bar/club and just letting loose and drinking and dancing and having a GREAT time. I havent done this in awhile because last time I drank..my family was in Caledonia (southern minnesota) for a family reunion..and i was wasted at 3:00 in the afternoon..of off like 4 SPARKS! HAHA! I KNOW! and so by the time 6-7:00pm rolled around…i was already super wasted…and in the bathtub just lying there…thinking about drowning in the river i love to swim in so much. I had never thought about it before. Until just randomly then. Just drunk. Alone. and in the bathtub. Where i usually end up when i am having a depressive manic episode which was weird. (being hundred of miles away from home and in a hotel room). I thought about how i would take my note book with me..and wear a pretty white flowing dress…and sit on the beach and write my goodbyes in that notebook. bury it partially in the sand so it wouldnt blow away…and walk out into the river…

So tonight i will be drinking….i really want to! Even if I am not suppose to (according to the therapist) I dont care what happens tonight..I AM GOING TO HAVE SOME FUN DAMNIT! I am going to get Kris wasted…and we are going to just be a bunch of drunken idiots..and then when its all over..I am going to pass out wherever i find most comfy..haha..and GO TO SLEEP LIKE A NORMAL DRUNKEN IDIOT! Is that so much to ask for? *SIGHS*

so thats it for the 1st blog.

the end.
hearts,jame. :dizzy: