Over the last weekend, actually by Friday morning beforehand my stress level had peaked. It’s been building for awhile. I’ve been a basket case since a friend wrote a suicide note.
After trying suicide myself, I have no idea how anyone can actually try it after thinking about it, but that’s another blog. Anyway, my stress finally got to me a little after midnight Friday morning.
After I took some people home, I came back to CK, and as there was no one there to vent to. I just grabbed my stuff to go.
As I was leaving a regular that just about everybody hates says nice, and loud “Thank God”.
She’s always picking on everybody in the group.
I snapped.
I threw my stuff down, and screamed at her. I really told her off, and I think I was loud enough to be heard two miles away. Alot farther if a door would’ve been open.
I felt bad about that later. I was told that I shouldn’t, but I still did.
I got to vent later Friday afternoon. Saturday was quiet for me, except I was really worried about someone, and over tired on top of that.
Sunday afternoon, and evening things are still tense with me. I’m having a rough day at work because equipment isn’t working properly. Then I get a message from the person I had the agreement with threatening to drop the friendship if I don’t drop the agreement that she says she never agreed to.
A conversation we had a couple of months earlier was about using friendship as a weapon against the other friend to get something done.
She knew that doing that was the second lowest thing that anybody can do to me. The lowest thing is to threaten to hurt my daughters. Anyway, I snapped at work. I’m not sure if it was about work related stuff, or otherwise.
I left work early, and went to CK to see if I could discuss that friendship threat with the person that made that threat. That discussion never happened as I snapped on that person.
Remember the second lowest thing that can be done to me? Well, snapping is probably the second lowest thing that could be done to her. Favor returned? NOT COOL!
After that I left. I calmed a bit on the way out of town. Temporarly, anyway.
As I was heading to Rockford I was over thinking my value to other people, and snapped again. I actually wasn’t thinking suicide, but at the moment everything was right for it. I was so worthless that I didn’t know why I existed, the pole was there, and I was doing 68mph. A jerk of the wheel, and… I missed, thank God. No way I could have, though.
It’s always been my belief that one should never snap like that, but I did anyway.
4 times in 3 days.
Way too much stress leads up to it for me.
I find it odd, though, that the same person that gave me a pat on the back for snapping the first time is also the same person that couldn’t handle a lesser snap on her.
Now she knows how it feels. Still not cool.
Although the first person definitely deserved something for her continuous harassment of the bunch of us, she didn’t deserve me snapping on her like that.


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