I have often heard people saying something along the lines of “I would rather regret doing something than regret not doing something”. 

I definitely regret not taking certain actions. I'll be talking about my main regret here. It's the "what if"s that make me regret it so much.

From kindergarten through second grade I had a best friend who I'll call Taylor. We played at recess together, were in the same class together, talked on the phone to each other, and were buddies when we went on field trips. I have many photographs of her and me together. There was a reason that we stopped being friends, she moved away to live with her mom. I cannot remember if I got her telephone number to her new location or not. I should have found it. I should have called and kept in touch. Distance doesn't need to stop a friendship. I have friends now who are in other countries. If I had done this, could I have saved her?

During my Freshman year at high school, I was suddenly reminded of my past with Taylor. She was on the news; there were posters of her even at my school. However, it wasn't because she had done something great, it was because she had gone missing. She was 14. I learned from the news that she had autism and had probably gone with a man she met on the Internet. A few weeks later, she was found. The man she was with was over thirty years older than her. He had tortured and raped her. 

If I had made the effort to keep in contact with her, would she have needed to look for companionship from a stranger? Could I have convinced her not to go meet him? Had I not become depressed in 3rd grade, would I have taken the initiative to find a way to still be friends?

I know, deep down, that I am not responsible for the terrible things that happened to her. I know that God has a reason. I just wonder if the reason was to let me know the impact I may have on people.

1 Comment
  1. snowdreamer 14 years ago

    Honey there's one thing I've learned in my long life is there are not what if's.  Things happen for a reason and in the order they are supposed to happen.  Even if you'd kept in touch it doesn't mean you would have kept it from happening, men like him have their way of being sweet before horrible.  I'm so sorry for her and I pray God will bring her along.  Don't beat yourself up sweetheart…you are in my prayers.

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