What makes it OK to threaten the one you supposedly love–every time you get frustrated–that you’re going to make things easier on them by ending it all–going out drinking and overdosing???!!!!!  (Not only is this person a recovering addict and alcoholic, but also has health issues related to the addictions.)  The one you “love,” has been supporting you for the past year, even when you kept walking away from jobs, and not helping very much at all–except to spend, spend, spend.  Yep, i’ve enabled the situation–i am WELL aware of this one.  But, at the same time, it’s not like i haven’t voiced my issues and kept you in the loop about the entire financial situation.  It’s all been about what YOU want–what YOU claim you need?    i’ve sacrificed a LOT, along the way, especially this past year.  (But, i’m gonna try not to go there, exactly….)  This entire time, i can’t even get you to hear me whenever i speak–if i can repeat myself at least three times, you may listen–otherwise, i just give up and go away.  How is this, in any way, shape or form, a healthy relationship?  i am fed up with one-sidedness.  FK this.  i’d rather be dead or less, than to have to “survive” this way, again.  Fair?  What’s fair about life?  Life isn’t supposed to be fair.  If it were, there’d be so many more rainbows and friendliness and money that’s falling from the sky.  —Very unlikely, all around.  *sigh  i am supposed to constantly give you a release…..ahem….  and, yet…..well……it definitely doesn’t go both ways.  So, you blow up at me.  You fuss about money–since you’ve not been helping out much at all, in the past several months, now, it makes sooooooooooooooo much sense!–You give tips–even $1 at a time–even while you’re fussing at me about $$$$??!!!  Then, you have the gall to go to the store, looking for your energy drinks, instead of putting the cash in the account???  WTF???  —Why should i care?????????????  Why should i even stay????  What do you care about me, in reality??????  You treat me as a bank account.  Anytime, in the past year+,  you’ve “needed” clothing–whether it be for a job, or just so you can have something to wear–i’ve helped make sure you had something–no matter what it’s done to my credit score or bank account, at the time.  You tell me you appreciate me, but do you really act like it???  Not no, but hell no!  You fuss about the money i’ve spent on groceries, and yet you consume at least 75% of the groceries.  You go on and on and on about your complaints, then as you’re walking away, “i dunno why i’m telling you, since you don’t care….”  WTF am i here???????????  i am trying to keep in mind that maybe i can go to a support group, tomorrow morning, if i can just get me started–no matter what he chooses to do.  *sigh  But, again, i have to get through this day, first.  Does it really matter?  i mean, it’s just another Monday….another day/morning….and no matter what i’ve done, what does it really matter?????  The only time i feel like i’m even heard is when desperation takes over and i really reach out, clawing at the seams, to let someone else know how desperate i am.  uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

2 Comments
  1. SullenGirl76 11 months ago

    Hi Delane. I’m sorry you’re going through this. My spouse and I fight about money almost daily. Your frustration is palpable and you have my utmost empathy on this one. I wish I had some wisdom for you. I would suggest counseling, but you cannot force someone to work on themselves. You sound like you are in a strong place right now, and I would suggest you follow the urge you have to go to a support group. If nothing else, it will get you out of the vacuum you’re currently in.

    Sending you lots of love and healing vibes!!

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    delane1 11 months ago

    ***hugs***
    Thank you, so much, SullenGirl76.
    i actually wound up not going…but, after dinner, we took a short walk together.

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