Well I think I'm gonna make it here.  After all this stuff with my ex b/f I've decided a few things for my life.  First of all we will remain best friends and talk everyday like we always have because we know each other better than anyone does or ever will especially after 14yrs.  It's been a clean and understand break of intimacy both of us knew being apart would do that to us so I guess I knew it was coming just didn't think it would but after being sad and crying a little, yeah crying a little instead of beating myself up!  I'm still sad for what we had but at the same time I'm ok with what we've got.

I've decided instead of still living here with my daughter and her son I need to move on with that too.  I never have any me time or a place to put my things to call mine except for my little bedroom so I'm going to get her moving into finding a place for them to live and going back to live with my sick parents for a while to help them out they are both so fragile and my dad could go at anytime….his kidneys are shutting down and he refuses dyalisis and his heart is too fragile so the doc says there isn't anything else he can do for him.  But with me moving in like they've always wanted I'll be able to help, be able to save money and possibly get a car for myself and eventually get a place of my own.  Now that I have a plan that I know I can do I'm actually excited about it now the waiting is just gonna kill me cause I want to do it right now I'm not very patient in the waiting department.

So for those of you who have been reading my blogs and sending me such sweet notes that I will get by I thank you and now you know I'm doing ok.  I'm not so sad anymore and now I'm feeling stronger and I also have to still believe things happen for a reason, what the reason is I have no idea maybe I'm meant to do things this way and help my parents etc.  If so then here I go!