We must begin somewhere so this is the first step. My anxiety is so out of control that I only leave the house to take the garbage can to the street once a week and to my therapist appointments. I have experienced a few traumatic events in my life that have molded me into this person I do not recognize or like very much. I miss out on playing at the park with my daughter. I miss out on going to dinner with my best friend of 30+ years. I miss out on visiting family with failing health. I hate what my anxiety has robbed of me.

I have made the conscious decision to stop watching the news. Since the 2016 Presidential election I have been glued to every tidbit of information surrounding the new “President”. It infuriates me! It adds to my feelings of not being safe and the unpredictability of others. I want to be involved in movements that defend human rights and protect animals from cruelty, but the passion I have to help gets muddied up with all the political agendas. In the end I give up hoping to avoid all the gas-lighting and lies from the current White House administration.

I am choosing to spend those hours of constant “Breaking News” to live in the now. So my right now is writing this and exploring The Tribe Wellness Community website. It’s hard to keep focused on the right now. It’s hard to keep those other thoughts from creeping in telling me to hide under the covers and maybe tomorrow will be better. Well, tomorrow isn’t getting better and I still hide under the covers. I am hoping the active change of removing the news (and continuing therapy) from my daily life will eventually help keep me out of bed and engaged in life.

First step taken.

4 Comments
  1. samarkand 3 years ago

    Hi lostpeace and thanks for sharing.

    Somebody wise once said that “a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step” and you have taken it. Well done. I hope that you start feeling better about yourself and the world as a result.

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      lostpeace 3 years ago

      Thank you for your kind words. This journey of CBT is really kicking my butt. I know it will be beneficial in the end, but the anxiety doesn’t seem to be responding the way I would like. For now I need to find a way to be content with the progress I have made and learn to be OK with where I am. I still have hope that someday I can evolve into the outgoing, social, and involved person I once was. Peace to you.

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  2. dirdybirdy34 3 years ago

    Hey I as well am beginning to feel like I’m trapped inside myself …. I can’t escape it I only take benzos when needed just started but it’s not a fix … SSRIs do not go well with me and I’m trying to save my engagement and life!!!

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      lostpeace 3 years ago

      I have been on benzos for 12+ years and have been slowly decreasing the dose. I have also been on a whole menagerie of antidepressants. I am seeing my Psychiatrist today and will be talking with him about the non-benzo options for the constant anxiety I experience. I get overwhelmed easily so any kind of project that takes me out of the house, requires ANY physical effort, or anything detailed just doesn’t get done by me. I hate it! I use to be so independent, strong willed, and able to tackle any project, big or small. I miss that part of me. Maybe I have to accept this as my new normal for now. Thank you for replying and offering your own input. Peace to you.

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