I'm sitting here writing this when I should do some work I need to do but I just can't let this go, not anymore, I'm tired of just bottling these thoughts up and letting them consume me, fucken tired of it. I have been thinking and been replaying my past and keep myself up at night just thinking how horrible I am. Since I could comprehend and remember I have been torturing myself in my mind. I just do not have any vertues or just anything I could just keep my head up for. Shure there are some morals and ethical beliefs I do follow and well keep up that make up for a percentage of what I have not done or what I am not. The past five years I've been close to completely alone with my thoughts and feelings, I just don't believe in worrying or bothering people with my own problems, It's kind of like "keep it to yourself and stop whinning" kind of thing but lately I cannot stand just sitting in my room staring at a wall sometimes with an inner monologue playing scenarios of how I would or should have done things throughout my life until now. Or just imagining things that I would want to happen. I don't have a "plan" for the future for these same reasons and well it's frightnenning, one day I say "suck it up,pull up your boot straps and don't be a sissy and deal with it", and some days I just want to sleep all day and not look onto the decaying earth. My mind is in conflict, and yes it does run in the family, I grew up in a negative household, more specifically one parent that was always negative and just full time realist and angry/disapointed with the world and the other that just put up with it. An overall whiplash of emotions throughout my life. I do realize this is personal, what I am sharing but I if I can help to evaluate this, change something for once, maybe I can find something to help stop me of looking at the ground and look just a little higher.
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Thank You For Your Thoughts
sadviolinist, , Depression, Bipolar, Career, Depression, Sleep Disorders, Weight Loss, 2
To all of you who answered my blog today, I want to give a great big thank you for...
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Clingy
Sanatee, , Anxiety, Depression, Relationships, Sex Therapy, 3
I am clingy. It is a cringey thing to think, but I absolutely am. I recognize it and I...
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New.
reaper92, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Relationships, Social Anxiety, Stress, Suicide, Therapist, 0
Well, I found this site an hour ago and decided to join. So I might as well tell my...
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Silly bands…
harley9, , Depression, Personality Disorder, Social Anxiety, 0
silly bands, just another fad, in today, and out tomorrow, just like you, your attitude, the whole "i have...
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Bad Influences
KnockedDown, , Depression, Career, Depression, Relationships, 0
The environment I live in is so discouraging to hard work and achievement it's staggering that I haven't given...
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A letter to someone..
fatherofthree, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Child, Depression, Medication, Personality Disorder, Relationships, Self Esteem, Therapist, Therapy, 0
So here I am at the end of another pretty much pointless day. I wanted to write and talk...
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I’m so crazy
ohlalaland5, , Anxiety, Depression, Depression, Weight Loss, 0
I need to delete all my old social media but my passwords are long gone from my brain, Its...
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666
phi166, , Depression, Anger, Bipolar, Depression, Medication, Psychosis, Schizophrenia, 0
Writing down the truth And have my answer read I have a fleure de lyse circulating in my vein...
i have an idea of how you feel and you will be ok im here for you if you need me. just try to love yourself more thats what im doing i gave up on everyone who hurt me and now i feel alittle beter like a wieght lifted off my chest.
i'll pray for strength for you have a blessed day from your new computer friend leeskinnyboi