I'm sitting here writing this when I should do some work I need to do but I just can't let this go, not anymore, I'm tired of just bottling these thoughts up and letting them consume me, fucken tired of it. I have been thinking and been replaying my past and keep myself up at night just thinking how horrible I am. Since I could comprehend and remember I have been torturing myself in my mind. I just do not have any vertues or just anything I could just keep my head up for. Shure there are some morals and ethical beliefs I do follow and well keep up that make up for a percentage of what I have not done or what I am not. The past five years I've been close to completely alone with my thoughts and feelings, I just don't believe in worrying or bothering people with my own problems, It's kind of like "keep it to yourself and stop whinning" kind of thing but lately I cannot stand just sitting in my room staring at a wall sometimes with an inner monologue playing scenarios of how I would or should have done things throughout my life until now. Or just imagining things that I would want to happen. I don't have a "plan" for the future for these same reasons and well it's frightnenning, one day I say "suck it up,pull up your boot straps and don't be a sissy and deal with it", and some days I just want to sleep all day and not look onto the decaying earth. My mind is in conflict, and yes it does run in the family, I grew up in a negative household, more specifically one parent that was always negative and just full time realist and angry/disapointed with the world and the other that just put up with it. An overall whiplash of emotions throughout my life. I do realize this is personal, what I am sharing but I if I can help to evaluate this, change something for once, maybe I can find something to help stop me of looking at the ground and look just a little higher.
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Fight or Flight
kheadenmd, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Chronic Pain, Depression, Grief, Medication, Relationships, Religion, Sleep Disorders, Spirituality, Stress, Therapist, Therapy, 0
I saw a patient a short while ago who had seen ten doctors and scheduled to see the twelfth...
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To remember me
TwistedToad, , Depression, 0
To Remember Me The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under...
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Does It Happen to Everyone?
bthere4mi, , Depression, 0
So I come home and my dad asks me how my day was. I tell him it was fantastic…(sarcasm)...
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Alone & confused
neverafailure, , Depression, Relationships, Therapist, 0
My first week back at school was rough as hell. I lost my two bestfriends (Sarah and Bryce). Sarah...
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About.
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44 asked me “tell us about him” so I will! He's just turned 25, which makes him 11 months...
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On the Cat Planet
Ellowynne, , Depression, Grief, Questions, Sleep Disorders, 0
Hi. My name is Ello andI am an Animal Advocate,voice for the ones who cannot speak. I consistently beat...
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I'm so scared
Tired_Girl80, , Depression, Depression, Medication, Relationships, 0
I’m 28 years old and ive suffered from depression most of my life, I used to be on medication...
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The deed is done…
marriahh, , Depression, Anxiety, Grief, Relationships, 2
Well, I've done it. Yesterday, over the telephone. Not my preferred way of ending a relationship, but he called...
i have an idea of how you feel and you will be ok im here for you if you need me. just try to love yourself more thats what im doing i gave up on everyone who hurt me and now i feel alittle beter like a wieght lifted off my chest.
i'll pray for strength for you have a blessed day from your new computer friend leeskinnyboi