I am clingy. It is a cringey thing to think, but I absolutely am. I recognize it and I want to change my behavior but it is difficult. I believe it is the cause of all of the bad relationships I keep developing, much like an extended rotating door. I become easily dependant on a singular person and jump into relationships quickly without really knowing who the person is. I go in ready to give 100% every time, but after I start to lose respect my desire for them fades and I realise it was only sex keeping things together in the first place.
I am not sure how to change this cycle. Right now I am talking to someone that I am interested in. Amazingly he hasn’t run for the hills yet. I recognize my behavior changing when I chat with him though. That clingy, cringey girl creeps her way out.
I want to love and be loved. I want this man to be the one. I feel like I have to keep him at arms length at all times though despite my instincts because I dont want to fuck this up. I dont want to jump into things with him too fast and end up bei3mg miserable for a couple of years because I dont know him. I don’t want him to think I am not interested in him by keeping too distant. I keep on pestering him about whether or not he is still interested in me though, even though I know he is busy.
I dont know what to do. I am hot and then cold. He says that if he is too busy to give me the attention I need he will understand. Its not the attention though. I just have to know at all times that he IS busy and that he doesnt HATE me. Its completely illogical and my pestering will make this a self fulfilling prophecy. I have to fight this automatic defeat though. Just..how??