I am clingy.  It is a cringey thing to think, but I absolutely am.  I recognize it and I want to change my behavior but it is difficult.  I believe it is the cause of all of the bad relationships I keep developing, much like an extended rotating door.  I become easily dependant on a singular person and jump into relationships quickly without really knowing who the person is.  I go in ready to give 100% every time, but after I start to lose respect my desire for them fades and I realise it was only sex keeping things together in the first place.

I am not sure how to change this cycle.  Right now I am talking to someone that I am interested in.  Amazingly he hasn’t run for the hills yet.  I recognize my behavior changing when I chat with him though.  That clingy, cringey girl creeps her way out.

I want to love and be loved.  I want this man to be the one.  I feel like I have to keep him at arms length at all times though despite my instincts because I dont want to fuck this up.  I dont want to jump into things with him too fast and end up bei3mg miserable for a couple of years because I dont know him.  I don’t want him to think I am not interested in him by keeping too distant.  I keep on pestering him about whether or not he is still interested in me though, even though I know he is busy.

I dont know what to do.  I am hot and then cold.  He says that if he is too busy to give me the attention I need he will understand.  Its not the attention though.  I just have to know at all times that he IS busy and that he doesnt HATE me.  Its completely illogical and my pestering will make this a self fulfilling prophecy.   I have to fight this automatic defeat though.  Just..how??

  1. aquazium 2 years ago

    I’m like that too and it’s ruined several relationships as well. I’m mostly working on taking care of myself in all the ways, like showering and talking kindly to myself, stuff like that. My boyfriend right now has stuck around despite all the ways I’m failing, and like you, I’ve been trying to be careful so i don’t get all clingy on him. Making up rules like how long we’re allowed to talk in a sitting and that we can’t text past bedtime, things like that, that’s helped me to protect him from myself. And telling myself all the time that I’m tough and i can handle things on my own, that I’m independent, that helps too. If he’s the right guy, he’ll stick around, don’t worry:) you’ll be able to figure yourself out too:)

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  2. Author
    sanatee 2 years ago

    Thank you for the kind words. You have no idea how much it means to me.

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  3. brandiblue 2 years ago

    If I was your partner, reading this would give me some insight into what you’re dealing with. Simply letting him know what you’re trying to work through means there’s two heads working at the problem, not just one. The fact that you’re aware of what to work on shows how insightful and grounded you are. I bet you’re a great person. I wish you luck with your struggles. I honestly am dealing with the same thing.

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