It's 6:00 on a Saturday night. I'm a senior in high school, and I'm about to go out with all my friends. It's ridiculous though, because I don't feel like going because i know how much anxiety I'm going to be going through. I'm going out with my prom date (which was 2 weeks ago), a gay friend, and a couple of other people. I had been really attracted (and still am?) to my prom date for months before my gay friend came out, which triggered my HOCD. I can hardly watch TV anymore, because TV is a magnet for the best looking people on the earth, men or women. This leads to my mental compulsions, constantly asking if i'm sexually attracted to these people. Of course, sexuality isn't something you think about. It just is. But when you try to turn it into a cognotive issue like me, it creates a paradox for yourself. It is almost like i lost the ability to be attracted to women because evertime i see one that i'm attracted to, my compulsions start, and override what has been there for the past 18 years of my life. Obviously, i find some guys attractive too. I have never been sexually attracted to guys before. But my compulsions override this too and make me think that I am. I have no desire to be with a man though. I want to be with a woman, I'm just looking for some "feeling" when i see an attractive woman that i can grab onto and say "ok, this is it, i know i'm attracted to women." But of course there is no such feeling. Some can say love, but i'm obviously not going to experience intimate love with my OCD, because i also suffer from ROCD. I'm just frustrated. I want to just be able to enjoy social situations. I just don't know how to get rid of this.