About a week and a half ago, I applied to a sort-of Social Service Worker job online at the 'Multicultural' festival place. I made the connection recently that within my entire life, I've been surrounded by immigrants; my financee is Russian and currently attempting to obtain Permanent Residency, my best girlfriend is from Guatemela and when her family first immigrated here as refuges they were scared by the cultural tradition of 'Halloween', my other best friend is from Poland and immigrated here young too with her parents…and I just figure;

'Why not go for a job where I attract people naturally without even knowing? Why not go for a job where I feel much empathy for newcomers as I myself have now experienced the painful taste of being a newcomer to Canada. (When my boyfriend's parents were rejected just being able to simply visit my boyfriend by Canada for two weeks, it was a painful blow on all of us.) '

Today, I received a call requesting an interview for Monday! I am so excited yet so nervous as the same time! So many things could be asked, and so many things could go wrong. What if I get lost? (I've walked to this wrong place for an interview before?) What if she questions why I've taken so long to find a SSW job after graduating? What if I do a great job at the interview, get the job, but then fail so miserably and everyone hates me? (I've failed and got fired from a few jobs before, I think mostly BECAUSE of these anxious thoughts where I set myself up for failure.)

But most importantly, who should I rely on for my references? It's been ages since I've done my SSW placement, and this year at my photo-capture jobs, a lot of the girls didn't like me for silly reasons. I've asked one manager for a reference…awaiting her response. But I need more resources and I'm unsure who else I could use! Could I use a fellow graduate who knows me as a student? Should I find another co-worker merely for the job at the photo place? Should I ask one of my friends (who like two years offered to use herself as a reference but I haven't seen her in two years), use her?


(>___<)!!! Anxiety causes a lot of barriers between people … I'd have more references if people understood that sometimes … it's just misunderstandings created by my always-there nerves…I understand that this may seem like a lame excuse and I may appear to be an incomptent person (since not even my teachers promised to reference me well because on placement experience went terribly but I believe again, that was the severe anxiety which caused my behaviours), but yeah. And I'm nervous about who rto rely on for a reference. I could rely on my old manager, but he got so angry with me so many times and I feel like he hated me towards the end…-_- But he gives me mixed messages and is also proud to offer good references…

And the driving thing is a big issue, too. I mean, the job is only for 12 hours per week, but I'll need to make sure I can get there and back. Since I'm afraid to drive this maybe a big obstacle!

We'll see. I should be proud of myself regardless.


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