Ok I'm trying not to think too hard about this, but I can't help it. SOMETIMES I feel like my life is cursed. I feel like I would have been much better off if I hadn't had sex with a man. I want to be in the music biz and it's hard because I'm dealing with sooooooooo much, health-wise, and I feel like my dreams are being suffocated by my reality. Meeting with people and feeling like I "look sick", or worrying about rashes, or my breath, or thrush, or my bells palsey acting up, or various other things, constantly stays on my mind and effects how I feel about myself. I'm male, so certain blemishes can't be covered up with make up. Now I may be going overboard, but this is how I feel. I don't look like I'm dying, but that might be part of the problem. Girls always want to "holla" at me, not knowing what's going on with my health. (Dudes too) I'm just self concious about how I look and how I'm perceived. Afterall the music biz is ALL about perceptions. Are there any famous people in the music biz, besides Majic Johnson, that are hiv positive or have AIDS? Will I ever make it in the biz or will my condition hold me back from success? I feel so all alone! I wish AIDS didn't have such a negative stima attached to it. Ok, I messed up! I had unprotected sex with men who maybe knew or didn't know their HIV status (I hope they didn't know instead of them knowingly affecting me), but does that mean that I can't start over with life? I've heard so many times that God is a healer, but I feel like I'm being punished. I try not to be depressed, but my life will never be what it used to be. I'm so young and I feel like sometimes I might not outlive my parents. Ok, enough of the pitty party. I'm going to try to push through the pain and LIVE. Love ya!
-
2009 Poz Cruise
LoriB, , HIV or Aids, 0
Hello to All, I am pleased to let you know that we have selected the dates and itinerary...
-
Daughter
Pebby577, , HIV or Aids, Anger, Child, Divorce, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Sleep Disorders, 0
My daughter left home orginally in 1998 and when she got married in 1999. I felt very hurt that...
-
The Darkside of Insite
zoca, , HIV or Aids, Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Domestic Abuse, Suicide, 2
There has been a lot of press about the joys of insite as we approach the supreme court's decision...
-
Ex nihilo nihil fit
stonecross, , HIV or Aids, Anxiety, Depression, Medication, 0
Main Title: Ex nihilo nihil fit in a Perennial Universe of Discourse Tacitly Delineated by the Exordium of Sorrow...
-
Thoughtful….
SUS, , HIV or Aids, 0
Well you only need the light when it's burning lowOnly miss the sun when it starts to snowOnly know...
-
Was thinking.. scarry i know!
ladydye, , HIV or Aids, Anxiety, Parenting, 0
Because this was running in my head, the words that someone said. They said them to me because like...
-
Mobilize to Succeed
LoriB, , HIV or Aids, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Questions, 0
Mobilize to Succeed: Skills Building Institute for HIV Testing and Awareness Days Creating and Promoting Effective HIV Awareness Days,...
-
Dear Lord
SonoraKay, , HIV or Aids, Forgiveness, Religion, 0
Dear Lord, I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to...
I agree. But it's the people like me that haven't "made it" yet and risk the chance of being seen going into a infectious disease clinic. My heart races a little when I pull up and get out of my car and walk in. People are so judgemental and if they see you they want to be the one who "outs" you to everyone. I guess it shouldn't matter, but I'm just expressing how I truly feel.