I’m going to tell my story here and my daily struggles. If natural disasters trigger you, please dont read.

So it all started 3 years ago, I was on school, it was a normal day, we had a earthquake drill and we were all happy because we had lost time of class, then two hours later, surprisingly the real earthquake began, I was on the 4th floor of my school so if my class wanted to go to the “safe area” we had to do down the stairs, I remember looking to the other part of my school and then seeing some cracks formed then it collapsed, a huge cloud of dust appeared, we heard A LOT of screaming, when the earthquake finally calmed down we had to go down the stairs, but we were afraid it wouldn’t handle all the weight and collapse, (from here I dont remember how the hell I came down the stairs, when I try to remember I can’t)

When we arrived to the “safe area” we saw that a part of the school collapsed, there were a lot of students trying to get pass an emergency door that was currently the only way out of the complex, because unfortunately the exit had collapsed and was covered with debris, a school staff kicked the door and we were finally able to go out, but there was still a long line of students, then someone shouted, “The gas is scaping, its gonna explode” that freaked everyone out, and hurried them to get pass that damn door, when we got out we reunited on the streets, we started counting and making a list of the missing students,and injured people, I saw my kindergarten teacher, calming the little ones, with a HUGE injury on her neck and the little kids also had blood all over their uniforms.

Eventually parents started arriving, shouting for their kids names in hope they could find them, a friend of my mom came, shouting desperately for her 7 year old son’s name,  but he wasn’t there.

I stayed there for maybe 30 minutes ( although it is longer in my memories) seeing families reunite, and parents shout and beg for their kids name, until my mother came, I remember I was so relieved,and ran to hug her, we decided to leave the place along with my bestfriends because the environment wasn’t good.

I found out 2 of my teachers died crushed by debris, and the little 7 year old kid, died too, I knew him, I was his friend.

Now, three years have passed and I still wondered why didnt I died instead, he was so little, he was freaking 7, he had so much to live for, yet he died.

Why the hell didnt I die? Do I even deserve to live? Am I able to live with the guilt that I could’ve done something, I saw bloody students, I knew there were people underneath the collapsed building and I did nothing, I killed them, I killed that 7 year old kid.

(Excuse me I’m going to puke hahah)

So, I guess that’s it, u can search the incident on Google, it had a lot of attention from the media ( atleast in my country) you just have to search “Colegio Enrique Rebsamen earthquake” and I’m sure it will appear.

To this day I still feel guilty and think I don’t deserve to live at all, I puke every time I remember the event and have nightmares about it from time to time.

I would like say I’m recovering and that I’m doing fine, but I think I’m not.