Hey, so i had a long day.. blah umm about the title, i'm working on my first step for the 3rd time, i relasped the past 2 times, before i finished it, and i really am trying to stay strong and work this step ya know…really trying to surrender and trying to live the step, realizing how powerless i am over pretty much everything and trying to accept things instead of dwell on them….my sponser suggested me to call some people and ask them about their experience of living the step and i'm about to call some people before i fall asleep, but i thought it would be interesting and possibly helpful if anyone on here had anything to share? but anyways…as far as my life right now…i am still having nightmares, but realizing what they are really.. and how it is important that i get through them ya know, they are pieces to a puzzle i've been trying to piece together alll my life… lol very important, and although it may be affecting me emotionally and on jus about every level of sanity right now because i am freakin tired in every way possible, i know i have to do it.. and i can't give up even though it's painful, this is what recovery is all about i think…. getting through things without using, and i wanted to get high the other day, i haven't shot dope since last july man, and i woke up obsessing like hell over dope and i swear it went on until the evening when i was like fuck this i'm not giving in ya know… i called some people and talked about it. i won't lie though, i was thinking about ways ya know. i don't even know where to get it around here? lol but i'm sure i could have found it, if i really wanted to, but luckily i did what the program suggests. anyways… if anyone has anything helpful about their experience with the 1st step, and acceptance and surrending… i would gratefully appreciate it =) i'm goingggggg to sleep now. goodnight