Hey, so i had a long day.. blah umm about the title, i'm working on my first step for the 3rd time, i relasped the past 2 times, before i finished it, and i really am trying to stay strong and work this step ya know…really trying to surrender and trying to live the step, realizing how powerless i am over pretty much everything and trying to accept things instead of dwell on them….my sponser suggested me to call some people and ask them about their experience of living the step and i'm about to call some people before i fall asleep, but i thought it would be interesting and possibly helpful if anyone on here had anything to share? but anyways…as far as my life right now…i am still having nightmares, but realizing what they are really.. and how it is important that i get through them ya know, they are pieces to a puzzle i've been trying to piece together alll my life… lol very important, and although it may be affecting me emotionally and on jus about every level of sanity right now because i am freakin tired in every way possible, i know i have to do it.. and i can't give up even though it's painful, this is what recovery is all about i think…. getting through things without using, and i wanted to get high the other day, i haven't shot dope since last july man, and i woke up obsessing like hell over dope and i swear it went on until the evening when i was like fuck this i'm not giving in ya know… i called some people and talked about it. i won't lie though, i was thinking about ways ya know. i don't even know where to get it around here? lol but i'm sure i could have found it, if i really wanted to, but luckily i did what the program suggests. anyways… if anyone has anything helpful about their experience with the 1st step, and acceptance and surrending… i would gratefully appreciate it =) i'm goingggggg to sleep now. goodnight

1 Comment
  1. daleOM 15 years ago

    Hey Abs

    For me step one was about looking at my life in two ways.. first that it was unmanagable… with or without a drink or a drug.. it was looking at the fact that I could not control my emotional nature, that my thinking was back to front. it was also looking at how I was physically different from those that can just have a few beers or the odd line you know the average person who  does not get the tatse or the flavour.

    I used my past experiences and step one really fitted mine. everytime I took a drink or a drug the drink or the drug took me… I now know that I am allergic to all mind alterting substances and my thinking at times will lead me back to the bar or dealer because I can not control my emotional nature and when I think I am my emotion ,I have no choice but to use. The reason being is I have no neutral place to go to and make choices.

    If I work the 12 step program I go through a process of change that will take me to a position of neautrality and therefore I can remain safe and protected.  

    Step one takes me to a place where i can use my past experience and see that my unmanagability will lead me to old learnt behaviour which will take me to a place where I have no choice. Once I have no choice and use it will kick off the allergy and wham I am back into the cycle of addiction!   

    The good news is after step one we have steps two through to twelve… what a journey its been Abs ITS AMAZING.. Love and hugs from a sunny London Dale

    0 kudos

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