I’ve been listening to self love podcast, reading books about trauma, made a little goal list for myself. I have been trying to live in the present, and use the kind of communication I want others to use with me.
So then why do I have the feeling people are using me? I am happy bright and positive. I know that those things took a while to grow. Trust me if you read my blog you will see how much I have grown. Sometimes I look back at them and read them. Unsure if that is healthy for me or not. I feel like i’m lacking attention. Isnt that stupid I know I’m not the main character to everyone. I know I am not the center of everyones Universe but.. But I’m annoyed that I do. That I want that feeling.
That says alot about me right? I try and try to fill that stupid lonely hole inside me with books, food, workouts, Anime romance, and work. Yet at the end of the day I am me. Alone in the car, in my room, at dinner, in the store, and at work. I hate the feeling of wanting love. Like as if that will solve all of my problems and I don’t want it because it is a distraction from my own personal goals.
The man i want doesn’t seem to want me as badly as I want him. OH whale on to the next. I hate it here