Well, here I go with my first entry here on this site.
I also belong to the OCD site, as I also suffer from that….what a wonderful combination OCD and Severe Depression…talk about ineffectual dysfunction 90% of the time!
Many days I do not even get out of bed at all, and some days only to eat a little something and go back. The majority of days when I am up, I am not getting anything done…cleaning, laundry, dishes, cooking, etc. Things seem totally hopeless most of the time, and I just cannot "get my head into it" to do anything…I sort of drift from sunup to bedtime, sometimes getting minor things done, or started and not finished. Currently, I have gone a month without doing dishes, 3 months without laundry being done, and my place has not been picked up since I moved things into in in June….boxes piled everywhere, and papers and mail all over every surface that I could find to sit them. New books and recordings and videos lying in stacks, still in shrinkwrap, or in the case of the books, never opened and looked inside of…
Somehow, this has to stop, and I MUST get myself back to being organized, and effectively taking care of myself. I fear that I am truly quite powerless on my own trying to "rebuild" myself. I see my therapist every week, and my PSY MD once a month…but, the "get up and go" to tackle and get things done just seems to have died years ago. How sad that this illness can debilitate one so severely.
When I was working, I worked round the clock a good many times during an average month, and sometimes did 18-20 hour days for days on end…and, yet, I was getting my household chores done, and kept up with….I was getting my shopping done, and all my bills paid, and had plenty of time to read and listen to music or watch videos………today, I have no time for anything it seems, and I am no longer working…….was declared disabled in 2001, and can no longer stand for very long, or bend or twist, or, further, to even sit in one position for any length of time (L4-L5 in my spine are shot from doing my job all those years, and I suffer with a pain level of anywhere from 4 to 8 on the pain scale daily…never below 3 on the very best days) I at least have gotten myself off the narcotics, and last year off the non-narcotic drugs, and am only taking 2 Tylenol and 3 Advil every 3-4 hours as needed….the pain is pretty uncomfortable, but somewhat at a dull roar, and I am NOT putting all those drugs and chems in my body.
I am an avid "collector" of music of all types, but most of my focus in on Classical and Opera, and then ranging through Big Band, Swing, Male & Female vocalists (from the 30’s until today), Popular Instrumentals, Doo Wop, and Rock and Roll from it’s inception through it’s demise with Heavy Metal and Rock, Bluegrass, Country & Western, Celtic, New Age and Electronic, Disco, World, Broadway & Film Scores, some Alternative and Grunge, and Spoken Word all are on my "favorite" list…….I do NOT like Rap, or Ska, that kind of mindless "noise"….God knows there’s enough noise in the world today without having to deal with that.
Additionally, I collect films, and have a very large collection…..some things still on VHS tape that have never been transferred or remastered to LaserDisc or DVD, and lots of stuff still on LaserDisc that has not yet been transferred to DVD either, and of course DVDs. I like all types of movies, except "blood-bath" type horror. Favorite genres are Action, Drama, "Classics" (old movies), Sci-Fi, Horror, Mystery & Suspense, Westerns, War films, Documentaries, and am particularly quite fond of Foreign films, and Independent films.
Books are another passion, and I am an avid reader who’s taste is all over the place, basically…..but I particularly like anything Historical, Biographical, Civil War related, World War 1, World War 2, Early Religion from Jesus’ time until the time of Constantine, the great Classics from European countries and the Americas, and the ancient Greek also. The Dead Sea Scrolls, the Shroud, and spots like Jesus’ burial tomb, and ossuaries, etc., all hold great fascination for me, as well as Anything concerning the Knights Templar, etc. I also enjoy Mysterys, Sci-Fi, Novels and Historical Novels, and Investigative things like Patricia Cornwell writes, etc. Poetry, Plays, and the like also have my interest. Computer Manuals, and other TextBooks, and Reference Works figure importantly in my library also.
So, with all these things taking up my interests, along with cooking, painting and drawing, lots of money gets spent supplying my "demand"…..this is a serious problem every month, and I will eventually, I am sure address it here in another blog entry…this one is getting long for now….
Anybody with something to say, or offer me, from your own personal experience with dealing with this stuff, know that your comments, thoughts, are greatly welcomed and appreciated….who knows from whence help may come!
For now, I close this entry, and bid you all…A Good Day!