Today I got done with my shift, I work graveyard, and was excited for a whole weekend of drawing and philosophy. After a while I started to get depressed because my brother, and his gf, live upstairs on the couches of my parents house. The reason I got depressed is because jasmine asked if I was going out this weekend….growing up whenever anyone asks me that I feel like a worthless loser because I barely have any friends and the one I hung out with most I just broke up with. The depression started there and then I decided to go to Ames to get some art supplies I had been needing. When I brought my stuff up to the register I noticed that the girl was cute. Whenever this happens I get awkward and look at stuff that I would normally not give a shit about, this time it was sour candy, to not have her notice that I was anxious. Just feeling the social anxiety got me down because this happens with pretty much everyone I don\'t know well. It reminded me that I\'ve only had one or two friends my entire life. To tell you the truth I\'m fine with that. I think being somewhat of a loner allows a lot of reflection time on things that fascinate me. I don\'t know why I let the world get me down. I remember in high school smoking pot, when I didn\'t even like it, just to belong to a group of friends that didn\'t even care about me in the first place. After a while I let the depression go but it is still bothering me a little bit. I wish I could be content with just going after my lust to be a good artist. I\'m a doer not a talker. I should start embracing that.
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I think it\'s important to remember that even though people ask, it\'s not like they are guaranteed to be busy hanging out with other people and going out either. Half the time its probably just a habit that they ask in the first place, and who knows, whatever they could be doing might not be something you think of as fun. Most people feel some level of social anxiety i think. It helps to think that they might be as nervous as you are.
Yeah, hang in there man, try to stay positive. Repetition I find is the best remedy when it comes to social anxiety. You have to have that balance of avoidance and toleration so you can recover. I understand how you feel, I still have the same problem. Once you get back to the point of tolerating it, it will bother you less and less and less. I\'m not sugar coating, this is actually true. Take it from me, I\'ve been through hell and back dealing with social anxiety. You just have to re-adapt to it again.